Man Angry That His Fiancée Thinks His Proposal Wasn't Good Enough After Her Friends Call It 'Lazy'
The real issue is that these people don't seem to know how to communicate with each other.
Odua Images | Shutterstock At their core, weddings and proposals are supposed to be about one thing and one thing only: commitment. Well, that and the love and relationship underlying the commitment in question. So fine, they're supposed to be about three things. Instead, they are most often about something else entirely, mainly big gestures and pageantry.
What is supposed to be about making a life together has instead become an ultra-consumerist exercise in replicating fairy tales, and if it isn't done EXACTLY right (usually as defined by social media), it becomes a commentary on the relationship itself. A guy on Reddit is currently wrangling this beast after proposing, and it's left him hurt and bewildered.
A man is angry that his fiancée has changed her tune about his proposal because of her friends' judgment.
Weddings are supposed to be about the people involved in them, not others, right? A couple's tiny courthouse ceremony or bizarre comic book-themed extravaganza may seem weird or boring or over the top to some, but if the bride and groom are into it, that's all that matters.
The same goes for proposals. Some couples keep things simple because they aren't the extravagant type. Others jet off to Bora Bora to get on bended knee in paradise. Different strokes, different folks.
But everyone seems to have an opinion on how people SHOULD do pretty much everything. And this Redditor's situation is a perfect example. He and his girlfriend have been together for three years and have discussed whether or not they want to eventually get married someday. One night, while they were relaxing, it suddenly seemed like the right time, so he went for it.
The man made a simple proposal that left his fiancée surprised and happy. Until her friends called it lazy.
"One night, we were just sitting on the couch after dinner and it hit me that I wanted to make it official," he wrote in his Reddit post. "I’m not a flashy or romantic kind of guy, so I just asked her straight out: 'Do you want to get married?'"
Not exactly swoon-worthy, but not every person or couple is like that. What matters is the love and shared intention behind it, right? Accordingly, his fiancée "was surprised but smiled and said yes. We hugged, kissed, and it felt like a nice, simple moment between us."
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That all changed when she shared the news with her friends, who "told her it was 'lazy,' 'unromantic,' and that she 'deserved better than a couch proposal with no ring.'" His fiancée told him that she defended him at first, but the more she listened, the more she began to feel that "maybe I should’ve done something bigger, and that it didn’t feel 'special enough.'"
"I told her that if she’s happy with us and the idea of getting married, why should it matter what her friends think?" he wrote. It's left him hurt and very annoyed, for reasons that should be obvious: It's none of her friends' business what she thinks of his proposal, and if she was happy with it, they should have been supportive.
Commenters completely missed the elephant in the room.
Assuming this guy is not a monster and is truthfully relaying the story, the most telling plot point here is that his fiancée's first inclination was to defend his proposal to her friends. That indicates she was perfectly fine with it until she was told she shouldn't be.
Nevertheless, many commenters excoriated him for being insensitive, uncaring, and even abusive and controlling, a major leap based on the information provided. Several more chided things like "when you’re in a relationship, you do things that you know will make your partner happy."
Which is true. But he seemingly DID do that. She SEEMED happy until she was told not to be, and this is the crux of the situation that virtually nobody seemed to pick up on: These two people have a MAJOR communication disconnect that bodes ill for their marriage. Laying the blame solely at the Redditor's feet is unfair and ignores the details of the story.
One commenter urged him to "step outside your comfort zone a bit and give the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with a romantic moment to remember," which is good advice as far as it goes. It sounds like that is what she actually wants. But it misses the heart of the matter.
What everyone seems to think is a "lazy" man too selfish to create an Instagram-worthy spectacle is actually a woman who doesn't know how to name her feelings and express them without others walking her through it, and a man who doesn't know how to receive it when she does. Those are major red flags, and even the least "lazy" and most "romantic" of proposals can't fix them. It's weird that nobody seems to have noticed.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
