People With These 3 Traits Have Happier Relationships Even If Their Partner’s Personality Isn’t All That Great, Finds Study
You are actually the biggest factor in how happy you are in your relationship.
Brady Rogers | Unsplash When we think about someone as a potential partner, we focus a lot on what their personality is like. Do they have the same sense of humor we do? How do they handle a crisis? What is their love language?
We usually believe that the other person's personality is paramount to the success of our relationships, but what if this isn't true? Researchers in Germany have discovered that your own personality may be a more important factor in your relationship satisfaction than your partner's personality, and that having certain traits may indicate that you have better relationships.
A new study examined how personality traits affect satisfaction in long-term relationships.
Researchers followed more than 900 participants who were in long-term romantic relationships over 9 years. At the start, both members of the couple filled out personality questionnaires that specifically measured certain traits, including being extroverted, conscientious, neurotic, agreeable, and open to experience.
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Every year during the study, the couples reported their satisfaction with their relationship. This allowed researchers to analyze how each relationship developed over time, and they compared these findings to the initial personality questionnaires.
Surprisingly, the results showed that couples in long-term relationships didn't have much overlap in their personalities. However, there were 3 specific traits that were associated with higher relationship satisfaction.
People who reported being less neurotic, more conscientious, and less extroverted were happier in their relationships over time.
Participants who claimed they were more neurotic at the beginning of the study were significantly less happy in their relationship, regardless of the personality traits of their partner. The study authors explained, "Since individuals with high scores in Neuroticism are characterized as more impulsive, anxious, and vulnerable, the effect on relationship satisfaction is plausible."
Conscientious partners were much more satisfied in their relationship over time. According to the authors, "Conscientiousness in general is associated with a sense of responsibility, orderliness, and thoughtfulness." These traits are often considered appealing to any partner and may help create a sense of stability and care in a long-term relationship.
Women who were more extroverted were not as happy in their relationships, but this same pattern wasn't found with men. This could potentially be attributed to these women feeling like their social needs aren't fulfilled due to the additional responsibilities women often have in relationships, such as having and raising children.
The bottom line is that couples can be happy even if they don't have similar personalities.
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The researchers concluded that the satisfaction of one person in a relationship didn't seem to be related to the personality of their partner, which is consistent with findings from other studies. They wrote, "Long-term relationship satisfaction is primarily influenced by one’s own traits (Neuroticism, Conscientiousness, and Extraversion for women), while partner effects and gender differences are negligible."
We're quick to blame our partner's flaws for problems in our relationships, but these findings suggest that it might actually be on us. Reflecting on your own personality and understanding how it affects your relationships can help you make stronger, lasting connections.
The good news is that science says that certain parts of our personalities can be changed. It may be a slow, gradual process, but it is possible to become less neurotic or more conscientious, for example, especially if we believe it will greatly improve our relationships.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
