If Your Love Is Truly One For The Ages, You'll Notice These 8 Things On A Regular Basis
Love is a dance of trust and connection, and you can build it up over time.
A. C. | Unsplash If your love is truly one for the ages, it means you have a secure bond and are deeply attached. Having a secure bond or attachment to a romantic partner generally means you view yourself as worthy of love and believe that your partner is acceptive, caring, and trustworthy (at least according to the American Psychological Association!).
Social connection is a key component of psychological health and survival. Famous researchers John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth insist that these skills this start in childhood, but that doesn't mean you are stuck forever in unhealthy bonds if you didn't have that growing up. The first step to learning to bond securely is to learn what love really looks like.
If your love is truly one for the ages, you'll notice these 8 things on a regular basis:
1. You trust them
Being securely emotionally attached means you trust your partner. You know who they are, that they care about you, and that you’re both choosing to share time, love, and energy with each other.
2. You can be yourself
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Secure attachment means you can be authentic and vulnerable, even about topics that are difficult or painful. It means you can share all of yourself and believe your partner will still accept you, love you, and work with you.
3. You stay despite things you don’t like
Being attached means you’re able to see your partner as a separate person with their likes, interests, and identity. In seeing them for who they are, including things you like and don’t like, you actively choose to stay in an authentic way that allows for more meaningful and honest connections.
4. You believe you can get through disagreements
When people are securely attached, they’re able to stay connected despite conflict or disagreements. They’re able to do this, in part, because the larger context of the relationship is strong and assumed to withstand any momentary discord.
5. You don’t need to be with them all the time
When you’re securely emotionally attached to a partner, being away from your partner isn’t scary or stressful. You’re more likely to encourage them to go out with friends, family, and colleagues because you trust them to come back invigorated and happy.
6. You plan for your future together
Looking ahead, people who are securely attached visualize their partner with them. Scheduling future events and making shared plans reflect an overall life image as a couple that includes quality time.
7. You miss them when they’re gone, but are excited when they come home
Being securely attached means you feel connected to your partner. So, even though you support one another in meeting your own needs as individuals, you’re likely to miss them when they’re gone.
8. You lean in to reconnect
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Someone who is securely attached can lean into their partner when ruptures in the relationship happen. They recognize that intimacy can be really hard, and mistakes or misunderstandings are inevitable in any close relationship.
The Naked Truth is This:
We are all strongly influenced by our early childhood environment. If you grew up in a childhood home in which you didn’t feel safe, loved, or connected to an adult, you will likely struggle more in feeling emotionally attached to romantic partners as an adult. Developing a strong sense of yourself, learning to trust yourself, and selecting partners who can do the same in the dance of intimacy, most of us face in romantic relationships. It can be challenging, but also one of the greatest gifts of having a long-term, sustained partnership with another person.
Note: This content is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. I cannot respond to personal requests for advice over the internet. Best on your continued journey.
Dr. Cortney Warren is a Board Certified Clinical Psychologist and expert on eating disorders, self-deception, and the practice of psychotherapy from a cross-cultural perspective.
