4 Traits Of People Who Often Become The Fringe Friend That Everyone Only Calls When They Need Something
A healthy friendship means you'll never feel like your needs don't matter.
Marcelo Chagas | Pexels Friendships are some of the most important relationships that we can have in our lives. That platonic love and connection teach us so much about ourselves and how we can show up in all of the other relationships that we'll have throughout our lives. But there's nothing worse than feeling as if you're giving more of yourself to your friends than they're giving to you.
It can be hard to spot the signs that you're the "fringe friend," who's always on the outside, looking in, but can never find the support you need. Even when you're there for your besties, they always seem to fall short when it comes to you. That doesn't mean there aren't friends out there for you, but it's definitely time to stop putting in so much effort with those who aren't willing to give it back.
Here are 4 traits of people who often become the fringe friend:
1. You're the safe space
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Your friends may automatically come to you when they're experiencing some sort of turmoil or personal conflict, but for some reason, they never seem to be around for you when you're going through the same thing. You're always willing to listen to their problems and give sound advice, so they sometimes forget that you have rough days too.
They never check in with you or ask how you're doing. The only time they seem to reach out is when they need help working through a problem, and they know that you'll have the solution they want to hear. They view you as a safe space, but neglect to offer the same comfort in return.
Therapist Ariadne Platero pointed out the importance of showing up for the people in our lives, writing, "Showing up is sometimes for others and sometimes for ourselves. Whether our relationships are strong or frayed, being there and being seen to be there is what nourishes and strengthens those relationships and the many ties and connection points that make them and keep them vibrant and alive."
2. You're easygoing
Whenever you're asked to do something, your friends know that you'll always say "yes" no matter what. If your friends are taking advantage of your reliability and laidback nature, they might not involve you in making plans, assuming you'll go along with whatever and be happy. It can start to make you feel like an afterthought rather than a priority.
Because you're someone who's easygoing, you never put up a fight or make any kind of fuss about it. Instead, you take it on the chin, but real friends should always include you when they're making plans, especially if they genuinely want to see you and hang out.
3. You over-give and overextend
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You may be someone who is always making space for your friends and giving them every ounce of your emotional strength, but for some reason, that energy is never reciprocated. You may think that eventually your friends will notice the effort you've been putting into the friendship and match it, but most of the time, they don't.
Instead, they're simply taking advantage of you and the emotional and mental energy you give them. It becomes a cycle of taking that can leave you depleted instead of rejuvenated. Life coach Sherri Gordon explained, "Emotional draining can leave you feeling like you are shouldering another person's problems and absorbing their stress (while getting nothing in return). These mentally draining situations will eventually wear you out."
Being drained by your friends doesn't necessarily mean you need to end the friendships, but Gordon stressed that it's important to start setting some boundaries instead of always rushing to the rescue.
4. You love introducing people
When you're the friend who's always connecting people in your life to get together and meet, soon those around you start looking at you as a bridge instead of a person. They use you for the fact that you're able to connect them with others, but they also forget that you're someone who needs connection as well.
It can feel heartbreaking when you finally realize that the people around you, who you thought of as genuine friends, are seemingly only around you for the benefit of getting to meet new people instead of nurturing the friendship they have with you. Before seeking out new connections, communicate your needs and give your friends a chance to make the relationships better. But if it doesn't work out the way you deserve, move on. You are not only amazing, but worthy of people who remind you of how great you are just by being in your presence.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
