5 Things People Do With Good Intentions That Actually Push Others Away, According To Psychology
Don't be that person!

Everyone wants to feel liked, accepted, and loved, but sometimes the things we do with good intentions actually push others away. We thrive on appreciation and connection, but sometimes that quest can make someone difficult to be around. On the other hand, there are those with warm charisma who constantly make you feel good in their presence. So what makes some people attractive while others are unappealing? While many factors play a role, sometimes it can be summed up in a few subtle behaviors that quietly distance others. The tricky part? You might not even realize you're doing them.
Liz Rose, a charisma expert with over 140,000 followers on TikTok, recently shared a video highlighting five common behaviors that can make someone unlikable. In psychology, she said, these are known as social micro-repellers, subtle but powerful actions that damage social connections. According to Rose, these behaviors usually come from insecurity, not intentional malice. Often, people practice them unconsciously in an effort to protect or inflate their ego. But in doing so, they may end up pushing others away.
1. Revealing someone's past in front of others
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Have you ever had a friend call you out in front of others with something like, "Oh, you like that show now? I thought you hated it!" It’s embarrassing, right? No one wants to be around someone who constantly digs up your past opinions just to make you feel ashamed.
We all change our minds constantly. If someone expresses a new opinion, just let them be. There's no need to drag the past into it.
2. Offering advice when no one asked
"That constant urge to improve something often comes across as superiority, not helpfulness," Rose said. It's normal to want to offer advice or share insight with people around you. But if you're doing it all the time, you might just come off as a know-it-all.
Self-help expert and New York Times bestselling author Mark Manson put it bluntly, "No type of advice is worse than unsolicited advice. No one is more likely to be ignored than a nosy know-it-all. Make sure the person you’re trying to help is actually looking for help, lest you come across as a condescending [expletive]."
3. Dismissing effort by making it sound easier
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When a friend achieves something, you should celebrate it, no matter how simple the accomplishment may seem. Saying things like, "That's cool, but anyone could do that," shows that you don't truly value their effort or success. It comes off as rude and downplays what they’ve done.
4. Always circling the conversation back to yourself
"You might think you're relating, but it turns the spotlight," Rose said. People need to feel seen, heard, and understood. To have a real connection, you need to stay in and discuss their story, not immediately redirect the conversation back to yourself.
People want and need to be heard and valued. It's okay to use yourself and your experiences to let someone know you understand where they are coming from, but it shouldn't be used to one-up or compete.
5. Needing to be the corrector in casual conversations
Constantly correcting small errors, pointing out unnecessary facts, or one-upping others with your version of the story can make you come across as unlikable, according to Rose. While these habits might boost your ego momentarily, she explained, over time they can create distance between you and the people you care about.
Microaggressions can hurt others, even if unintended.
An article by Baker College explained that microaggressions are subtle, often unintentional behaviors or comments that affect members of marginalized groups. Microaggressions are similar to the social micro-repellents discussed by Rose, but with a specific focus.
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For instance, one common microaggression is saying, "I don't see color." While it might sound well-intended, it overlooks a person's racial identity and lived experiences. Instead of erasing differences, it's better to acknowledge and celebrate them.
Our brains often try to suppress insecurity by boosting our ego, which can lead to subtle behaviors that unintentionally hurt the people closest to us. By becoming aware of and avoiding the actions described by Rose and Baker College, you might find that others feel more comfortable and connected around you.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.