Boyfriend Tells New Mom She 'Took The Easy Way Out' By Having A C-Section
He claimed that his comments were just "jokes," but failed to realize how hurtful they were to his girlfriend.
Leszek Glasner | Shutterstock A new mom questioned if she was wrong for confronting her boyfriend about the comments he made regarding how she gave birth to their son. Posting to Reddit, the 25-year-old woman claimed that her boyfriend had been criticizing her for having a C-section birth rather than natural, and it was starting to hurt her feelings. Instead of being understanding, his reaction only made her feel worse.
A new mom's boyfriend told her that she 'took the easy way out' by having a C-section.
In her Reddit post, she explained that it's been six months since she gave birth to her and her boyfriend's son through a C-section. It hadn't been a part of the plan, but considering how unpredictable labor and delivery can be, it ended up happening. She recalled that the entire experience was complicated and extremely scary, but both she and her baby boy came out on the other side healthy.
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However, she's noticed that since the birth, her boyfriend has been making some rather rude and inappropriate side comments regarding the birth. She'll catch him saying things like she "didn't really give birth," or she "took the easy way out" by having a C-section.
The new mom said her boyfriend was making these critical comments about having a C-section as a 'joke,' but it wasn't exactly funny.
The problem with saying something harmful and disrespectful but disguising it as a "joke" is that it's not very funny, and no one's laughing. It's one thing for him to throw those comments around one time, which can be forgiven. But to repeatedly do it is another thing.
According to The MEND Project, "the term weaponized joking refers to saying mean things at the other person’s expense and using blame-shifting to deflect. It can be done under the guise of being 'just a joke,' often causing emotional distress." Sounds a whole lot like this boyfriend's misguided sense of humor.
They went on to write, "People on the receiving end of such toxic joking may hear things like, 'Don’t be so sensitive, it was just a joke!'" You'd think they were talking directly to him, in fact. The new mom even mentioned in her post, "I’ve tried to talk to him about it, and he just laughs and says I’m too sensitive." Sigh, she even wrote that he told her, "'It’s not a real insult, babe. I just mean you didn’t have to push.'"
The reality that she had major life-threatening surgery notwithstanding, because seriously with this boyfriend, The MEND Project further explained that "Weaponized joking is an emotionally abusive tactic commonly used by abusers, and it is often the first sign of what will be an abusive relationship."
Perhaps he isn't an abusive boyfriend, and perhaps he is just clueless, but that level of insensitivity is certainly a red flag, and it doesn't bode well for the future of their relationship or for his quality in the parenting department. As one Reddit commenter pointed out, "Your partner should be building you up not tearing you down or belittling you. And if it was 'just a joke,' a normal, kind, loving person would have apologized the first time you expressed that you didn't like 'the joke,' and most certainly wouldn't repeat it. Again, you are not overreacting, he is immature at best and deliberately unkind/mean at worst."
The mom said her boyfriend brushes her off when she tries to get him to stop criticizing her for having a C-section.
She finally told him that his comments were really bothering her, and if he couldn't stop, she was no longer going to just laugh them off anymore. He became annoyed at her, saying that she was making a "big deal out of nothing." It's not as if C-sections aren't incredibly common when women give birth. According to Axios, about one in three births in the U.S. are C-sections. The national C-section delivery rate also increased in 2023 to 32.4%, up from 32.1% in 2022.
As a man who definitely doesn't have a uterus and will never know the pain and energy it takes to deliver a baby, he simply shouldn't even have an opinion about how his girlfriend delivered their son. It doesn't make her any less of a mother, and there's no such thing as a C-section being the "easy way out." Just because a woman isn't having to push a baby out in a vaginal birth doesn't mean a C-section isn't any less taxing.
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In fact, C-sections are just as scary as having to push. It's a major surgery, and there are some frightening risks that can occur. Instead of making "jokes" and critical comments, her boyfriend should display a bit more empathy for everything that she has had to endure.
One Reddit commenter put it all into perspective, writing, "You know who took the 'easy way out?' He did. By being a dad. Thirty seconds of lacklustre sex to make the baby, nine months of not having to grow a baby inside his body, and no traumatic birth whatsoever, yet he still gets to be a parent. Being the dad is the easy way out, maybe we should try that next time? And he can have a 15cm slash across his tummy down to his internal organs?"
There's nothing funny about childbirth, and especially not traumatic childbirth. Hopefully, this new mom isn't downplaying her boyfriend's questionable behavior and avoiding the truth that he is emotionally abusive. If he truly is simply immature and clueless, it's time to stop giving him a free pass to behave like a toddler. He's a father now, and this mom does not and should not have to nurture two babies all on her own.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
