5 Things Honest Parents Say When Asked, 'Why Do Men Get Blamed For Everything?'
Don't let your son sail off the edge of the manosphere.
LightField Studios via Shutterstock If you've spent any time on social media, you've probably come across Neil Shyminsky. Popularly known as Professor Neil, he has made it his mission to fact-check myths (and sometimes outright lies) shared by the group of influencers known as "the manosphere".
During an interview on Getting Open with Andrea Miller, Shyminsky talked about the inspiration for his work and how parents and teachers can handle questions from teens and young adults who are steeped in online culture. His most important advice? Don't minimize their feelings, mock or push them away. Instead, invite their curiosity and talk to them with respect.
Here are five things to say when your kids ask why men get blamed for everything:
While this list is primarily aimed at parents raising boys, these questions come up with all kids and these talking points can help regardless of gender.
1. 'I can imagine it might feel like...'
Recognize how it feels for a kid to hear all these negative generalizations about their entire gender. The impact of this information is heavy on your son, so don't minimize their feelings.
You can use a phrase like "I can imagine it might feel..." or "I can see how it seems like..." to set the stage for further discussion that doesn't feel like a dismissal.
When asked how to teach kids how to be better citizens, Joanna Schroeder, co-author of the book Talk To Your Boys, told us, "Empathy isn't something we can teach without modeling it. It doesn't come from a lecture or a set of house rules. It starts by being empathetic toward our kids. Figuring out the 'why' behind their behavior and managing our own reactions so we can address their feelings even as we set boundaries and establish consequences for misbehavior."
The same thing could be said about curiosity. If we aren't curious about the origins of our kids' opinions and "hot takes", how can we expect them to be curious about ours so they can learn from our experiences and perspectives?
2. 'Do you know that women...'
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Another good way to continue the discussion productively is to build empathy in your child to they understand why other people express these ideas or have developed these opinions. You can explain to them how it's not about them, specifically as an individual, but a lot of people carry hurt and bad experiences from the way men have repeatedly treated them.
Explain why women and teenage girls are cautious of men and teenage boys. Oregon Health Sciences University stated, "1 in 4 women, 1 in 7 men, and up to half of transgender and non-binary individuals will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Youth are also affected in high numbers: 1 in 3 teens will experience some form of relationship abuse."
We can explain to kids that these numbers are daunting, but they can change. The world can become safer if we choose to help make it so.
3. "Did you know men actually are not actually...'
As of 2024, only 10.4% of Fortune 500 companies were run by women. That statistic does not support the idea of women dominating or taking over. In 2017 US Congress had more women than before, but that is still only 29% according to Pew Research. Women are there, but it's still male-dominated, and no data suggests where male dominance is actually under threat.
You can explain how women started to catch up with men, but then pregnancy, child care, and the assumption of a mom being the primary parent during illnesses, school breaks and emergencies sets women back. This is called the "motherhood penalty". Meanwhile, fathers receive what is called the "fatherhood bonus", as being a father actually helps advance men's careers.
This also harms men and boys by affecting a father's time with their children and perpetuating the cycles of inequity.
4. 'Does it sound like a sales pitch to you?'
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Explain to your son why some people would want to "sell" them the story of "A war on men and masculinity". Help them to understand how the selling of Andrew Tate-style masculinity or dating programs is also an entry into other hate-based, fear-mongering groups who are trying to be relevant to boys as recruits in their gangs and militias.
This conversation is a fundamental aspect of media literacy that can help your kids throughout life. To help, Common Sense Media, a non-for-profit education organization and media resource, has curricula available for educators at every grade level. They also have a common sense guide parents can use to help their kids learn media literacy that is simple, non-political and broadly helpful. These materials can make almost any conversation easier!
Ask your son what these groups gain by making men and boys feel like disempowered victims. A study in Psychological Reports on the factors of susceptibility to recruitment by cults found that variables included "generalized ego-weakness and emotional vulnerability; propensities toward dissociative states; tenuous, deteriorated, or nonexistent family relations and support systems; and inadequate means of dealing with exigencies of survival."
Knowing these risk factors can help parents and educators identify which boys are most at risk. But we need to remember that any kid can be influenced by biased or hate-based information online.
5. 'What would your ideal future look like for men?'
Ask your son how they want to live their own, unique form of masculinity. Ask them what a good man looks like to them, ask what a healthy man looks like emotionally and socially, and ask what kind of partner a healthy man wants.
Be willing to explore and discuss the various definitions of masculinity that are present in a diverse world. Don't be afraid to enter these challenging conversations with your son, their friends, or any young men in your community. The difference is the future.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
