11 Unfortunate Signs You’re Not Appreciated And Deserve Way Better
Giving your all to someone who won't show you a shred of gratitude is exceedingly painful.
Dodokat / Shutterstock Many of us wind up giving far more than we get in relationships, which is just one of the unfortunate signs you're not appreciated and deserve way better. Every relationship is a two-way street, after all.
In a healthy relationship, the other person puts in just as much effort as you. They match your energy and let you know how much they care, even when they’re too busy to hang out. In an unhealthy relationship, the other person will dismiss your needs and diminish your feelings. No matter what you do, it’s never enough for them. If this is the case, you are missing out on being shown the respect and gratitude you truly deserve.
Here are 11 unfortunate signs you’re not appreciated and deserve way better
1. You always reach out first
Surprising_SnapShots from pixabay via Canva
If you’re the one who always reaches out first, it’s an unfortunate sign you’re not appreciated and deserve way better. Some people are more consistent at communicating than others, but making plans shouldn’t make you feel like you’re playing a game of chase you can’t win. At some point, being unresponsive sends a clear message that you’re not their top priority.
Expecting other people to text you first all the time isn’t realistic, but asking for a balanced back-and-forth is more than okay. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but you shouldn’t have to beg for the bare minimum.
2. Your time isn’t respected
pixelshot via Canva
More often than not, the way people handle time says more about them than it does about you. Time management isn’t one-size-fits-all, which is why giving people grace is the kindest thing you can do. But if people make a habit of showing up late without any warning, they’re letting you know that your schedule isn’t as important as theirs.
Life is full of things we can’t plan for, like traffic jams and family emergencies, but when your time isn’t respected, it’s an unfortunate sign you’re not appreciated. When someone values your presence in their life, they don’t take advantage of your time or your kindness. You deserve way better than people who cancel plans and can’t make commitments.
3. Your friendships are emotionally draining
EllenaZ from Getty Images via Canva
Good friends are worth their weight in gold, but sometimes, friendships cross the line into codependency. It’s one thing to be supportive and hold space for your friends’ more difficult emotions, but being the therapist of your friend group is an unfortunate sign you’re not appreciated and deserve way better.
As the Newport Institute pointed out, expecting friendships to replace therapy “sets up a dysfunctional dynamic that isn’t healthy for either person.”
“People who treat their friends like therapists do most of the talking, rarely offering their friends as much time and attention as they receive,” they explained. “Friends who function like therapists can feel drained because they offer most of the emotional support in the relationship and receive little in return.”
“Friendships should be a give-and-take for both people,” they shared. “Remember that your friend’s difficulties are not your own… Remind yourself that listening without judgment is enough.”
4. Your achievements aren’t celebrated
Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels via Canva
If you’re surrounded by people who would rather cut you down than celebrate your wins, it’s an unfortunate sign you’re not appreciated. Even though their criticism is rooted in their own insecurities, you deserve to be uplifted, not dragged.
It doesn’t matter if your hard-earned win is small or seemingly minor, what matters is that you’re proud of yourself, and you want the people you love to be proud of you, too. While it’s true that external validation only goes so far, receiving praise from outside sources can boost your mood, quiet your inner critic, and help you see how much value you hold.
5. Your work goes unrecognized
Urilux from Getty Images via Canva
Professional success depends on more than your annual income or your job title. As important as it is to earn a living wage and have opportunities for growth, it’s equally as important to feel like your work matters. If your contributions keep getting overlooked, it’s a sign you’re not appreciated.
Unfortunately, feeling undervalued at work is way more common than you might think. In her book “Job Therapy,” psychology professor Tessa West shared that feeling underappreciated at work usually comes down to “lapses in communication between managers and their team members.”
Among the workers West surveyed, more than 40% said they had trouble landing promotions, but only 7% were explicitly told why they were passed over. It’s hard to stay motivated when your work goes unrecognized. It might seem counterintuitive, but getting direct feedback shows that you’re a valued member of the team.
6. People talk over you in conversations
Farknot_Architect from Getty Images via Canva
Being interrupted isn’t just a sign that the person you’re talking to has bad manners, it’s also a sign that you’re not appreciated. It’s virtually impossible to truly connect with someone who only cares about their own opinion.
They’re so focused on the sound of their own voice, they don’t even notice that they went from having a conversation to performing a monologue. You can’t force someone to accept your perspective, but don’t have to stay stuck in conversations with people who talk over you. You deserve to be heard.
7. Your partner minimizes your feelings
Timur Weber from Pexels via Canva
Emotional invalidation is an unfortunate sign you’re not appreciated by your partner. They might tell you they love you, but those three little words don’t mean anything unless they respect how you feel. You deserve way better than someone who gets defensive and downplays your emotional experience.
“When you invalidate someone, you basically make them feel like you don’t understand them or their feelings or if you do understand, you don’t care,” marriage counselor Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby explained.
“To validate someone means that you help them feel understood, accepted, and cared for by you,” she continued. “Validation is a cornerstone of emotional safety. And emotional safety — feeling like you are accepted and valued for who you are… is the foundation of a happy, healthy relationship.”
8. Your boundaries aren’t respected
Motortion from Getty Images via Canva
You deserve to have your boundaries respected, and anyone who keeps crossing them is telling you loud and clear that you’re not appreciated. It can be uncomfortable to express your boundaries, and it can be even more uncomfortable to actually enforce them. You don’t have to justify your limits; you’re allowed to just have them.
According to the Center for Mindful Psychotherapy, “Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships, self-respect, and emotional well-being.”
“If someone continually violates your boundaries despite being told directly, they are making a choice to ignore your needs,” they explained. “Your boundaries matter. And you deserve relationships that respect them.”
“Setting boundaries is not selfish, it is an act of self-care and self-respect,” they concluded.
9. You have a hard time saying no
DimaBerlin via Canva
If you’re stuck in a pattern of saying ‘yes’ to other people, even when you’re depleted, it’s an unfortunate sign you’re not appreciating yourself. Saying no doesn’t make you negative, it just means you’re self-aware. You deserve to honor your feelings and make choices that nourish you.
“You genuinely want to be loving, caring, grateful, and helpful to others,” coach and consultant Amy Bracht explained. “You're also exhausted due to all this social ‘should’ conditioning and tip-toeing around people's feelings. You're saying ‘yes’ to others when you want to say ‘no’ and that will wear you down.”
“It might take a little work, but learning to say ‘no’ without guilt is worth it,” she shared.
10. You ignore your own needs
Mart Production via Canva
It’s not always obvious, but ignoring your own needs to take care of other people is a sign you’re not appreciated. You’re so convinced that your needs won’t be met, you push them away and hope they’ll disappear. Having needs doesn’t make you needy. It doesn’t make you selfish or self-centered. Having needs means you’re human, and you deserve your humanity.
“If a friend or loved one asks for your help at a time when you are overwhelmed or run down, give yourself permission to tend to your own energy needs before theirs,” coach Christy Whitman explained.
“Remember you have the ability, the right, and the personal responsibility to honor your needs and desires above those of everyone else,” she shared. “If you don’t fill yourself up first, you will have nothing to give another anyway.”
11. You question your worth
simona pilolla via Canva
The longer you stay in a relationship where you’re not appreciated, the lower your sense of self-worth will become. You deserve so much more than a partner who makes you question whether or not you’re worthy of love.
“Your self-worth is not determined by how much someone else does or doesn't appreciate you,” personal development coach James Michael Sama revealed.
“You need to set your bar at a certain level and not accept anyone into your life who won't rise to meet it,” he shared.
“Stay strong, stay positive, and most of all, stay true to yourself,” he advised. “Someone will come along and appreciate you for you.”
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
