Woman Asks For Advice After Boyfriend Tells Her Not To Join His Family’s Dinner Unless She Covers Her Tattoos
He thinks it's a matter of respect. She refuses to hide any part of herself.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock Nowadays, tattoos are a common and widely accepted form of self-expression. Yet many people from older generations still harbor judgment against those covered in body art. In fact, according to data from the Pew Research Center, 40% of people 65 and older say seeing someone with a tattoo gives them a negative impression of that person.
One man's family, particularly his grandparents, seems to fall into that category. So, he asked his tattoo-covered girlfriend to wear long sleeves to dinner with the group. This request did not go over well.
The woman asked for advice after her boyfriend told her not to join his family's dinner unless she covers her tattoos.
The 21-year-old woman explained that she has several tattoos, some of which are "big and quite visible." Her 26-year-old boyfriend has never had any issue with her body art, so she was surprised when he asked her to cover up the tattoos and "wear something with sleeves" for dinner with his family.
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"He said his grandparents are very old-school and might not react well to my tattoos," she wrote in a Reddit post. "He said he didn’t want the night to be awkward."
The pair seems to have conflicting values.
"I told him I wasn’t going to hide part of myself to make his family more comfortable," she continued. "He said it’s not about hiding, it’s about respect. I told him respect goes both ways, and I shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not."
Her boyfriend then accused her of overreacting. Still, she stood her ground, as did he.
"I told him that I would go to the dinner, but that I wouldn't cover my tattoos," she wrote. "But then he asked me to please not attend, that if I was only going to be difficult, it would be better not to be there."
While she doesn't want to cause problems with his family, she also doesn't want to hide who she is to appease anyone. "I have had a hard time feeling comfortable in my skin and learning to deal with the stigma people have towards me because of my tattoos," she shared. "I don't want to go back and hide again, plus I don't think I would be honest with his family either if I show myself as I am not."
The couple should have an open and honest conversation.
In a comment, the woman explained that her main concern is that this will become a pattern; that she will always be expected to hide who she truly is when around her partner's family.
"What worries me is not covering it once, because that I can do," she wrote. "My fear is that the situation will always be like this, or that it will be a pattern of always pleasing his family or putting his family's wishes over our relationship."
Still, she admitted that she may have rushed to judgment too quickly, rather than giving her boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. First impressions are important, and perhaps he just wanted his grandparents to get to know her without any preconceived notions.
"If he's serious about his relationship with you, then he WANTS his family to like you, and he already knows they are going to pass judgment on you if that's the first thing they see," one commenter suggested. "He's trying to avoid an unfair situation for you."
Ultimately, this couple must have an open and honest conversation and address each other's concerns. She is worried about what will happen if his family disapproves of her tattoos — would he expect her to cover them up indefinitely? Would he defend her to his family? That is certainly worthy of a discussion.
Mina Rose Morales is a writer and photojournalist with a degree in journalism. She covers a wide range of topics, including psychology, self-help, relationships, and the human experience.
