5 Spiritual Green Flags Every Healthy Relationship Must Have For It Work, According To Experts
Spiritual traits that set strong, lasting relationships apart from flimsy ones.
YakobchukOlena | Canva Spiritual health is one of those things we don’t talk about much in relationships. But we really ought to be looking for their green flags. We know how to take care of our physical, emotional, and mental health, but what about our spiritual well-being? And how does our spiritual well-being affect our relationships?
According to the Four Domains Model, our spiritual health is reflected in the quality of relationships we have in four domains of well-being. The personal, where we have a relationship with self. The communal domain, where we have relationships with others. The environmental domain, where we connect with nature. And the transcendental domain, where we relate to something beyond the human level.
Here are five spiritual green flags every healthy relationship must have for it to work, according to experts:
1. You grow together
There’s nothing more painful in a relationship than when one person has a period of profound spiritual growth or transformation, and the other person gets left behind. Without dedicated communication and the support to navigate leaps in consciousness, it’s entirely possible that a couple quickly goes from normal and healthy to silent passing ships in the night.
Although no two people will ever grow in the same way as human beings, or at the same time, spiritually healthy couples are dedicated to one another’s unique paths of growth as well as their growth as a couple. They encourage one another’s opportunities for growth and cheerlead along the way because they understand that growth is life itself.
Marriage therapist Susan Saint-Welch explained, "Relationships are like a greenhouse. You have especially chosen your flowers and plants because they are appealing to you and give you joy. But just like a greenhouse, relationships need loving care, hard work, and maintenance to flourish. They need nourishment to grow. Stop this maintenance, and you get weeds."
2. You give each other space
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The great poet, Khalil Gibran, put it this way: “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of heaven dance between you.”
Just because a couple is not together all the time, it doesn’t mean there’s a problem. The ability to have space, whether it be in the form of time or location, requires a good level of comfort and trust. This is one indication of a healthy relationship.
Space also refers to emotional, psychological, energetic, and creative space. It’s about having good personal boundaries and not feeling the need to encroach on the other person or invade their aura field.
Spiritually healthy couples respect and honor one another’s need and desire for space without taking it personally. It also makes reunions all the sweeter.
3. You hold space for one another
Life throws curveballs. That’s just how it goes. Having a partner who can hold space for us amid chaos can be one of the biggest factors in how successfully we navigate such times.
Holding space, in essence, is the ability to be fully present to another person and whatever it is they are going through. When holding space for another, it’s essential to resist the temptation to fix, heal, or convert the other person, especially when at their most vulnerable. Most of the time, all that’s needed is warmth, an open ear, an open mind, and an open heart.
Spiritually healthy couples understand there are times when one holds space and when one is held in space. It’s about taking turns when such moments organically arise. Being held requires trust and courage. Holding space requires love and patience. The pendulum must swing both ways.
Family therapist Lynda Klau, PhD, said, "Ultimately, we can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can support the journey as you work with yourself, and vice versa. Living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself. A healthy, supportive relationship can significantly contribute to personal healing by providing a safe space to share vulnerabilities, receive validation, and experience emotional regulation through a partner's understanding and compassion. "
4. You enhance one another as human beings
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Let’s cut to the chase. If your partner doesn’t make you a better person or at least kindle in you the aspiration to be a better person, and vice versa, then the relationship’s days are likely numbered. There’s only so much a person can take if their light is diminished.
When in a spiritually healthy relationship, it’s like elevating to another version of yourself. You both shine brighter. You both aspire to bigger. You both step each day into your greater potential. You gift one another faith in your respective dreams and the ongoing encouragement to make them a reality.
5. You feel good when you're around each other
You know those couples that are magnetic? Those that you just love hanging out with and feel energized and uplifted by? That’s a good indicator of a spiritually healthy relationship, whether they consider themselves “spiritual” or not.
Spiritual health, as we saw from the four domains, requires not only a sound relationship with self but also with others, the environment, and the transcendent. So, for a spiritually healthy couple, the relationship is about so much more than two people. They’re engaged with those around them, care deeply about the planet, and live intentionally.
"In our society, people feel guilty when they don’t meet some arbitrary goal they have set for themselves or that others have set for them," advises hypnotherapist Nancie Barwick, PhD, "By choosing to focus on your intentions rather than goals, you will free yourself from that guilt. You choose your intentions, decide what living congruently with those intentions looks like for you, and change things as circumstances dictate or as your preferences change."
Just because a couple is “spiritual”, it doesn’t make it a healthy relationship. If you’re around a so-called spiritual couple and you feel drained, confused, or just plain icky, run.
No matter where we’re at in life, spiritual health is something we can all continually aspire towards. There’s no end goal. There’s no competition. It will happen differently for each of us and each relationship. The beauty is in witnessing the many ways it unfolds and how we can all become a force for good in one another’s lives.
When two people come together in a relationship and they each have an awareness of these domains, it can be electric. This is where soulmates are made.
Even if you’re not currently in a love partnership, these signs apply to any kind of relationship with those you care about, whether it be family or friends.
Dr. Nicole Gruel is an author, speaker, and transformational coach who descends from a long line of samurai. She has spent over two decades actively exploring human potential.
