11 Rules Happy Couples Regularly Follow, According To Psychology
The happiest couples stick to a set of simple rules to keep their bond strong.
GaudiLab | Canva There are many reasons people enter into relationships, just as there are many reasons why relationships fail. Many of us were brought up to believe in the fairy-tale kind of true love, and that it is the key ingredient needed for a relationship to last.
In hindsight, we eventually realize that love simply isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. You need things like respect, compromise, and trust, to name a few, in order to make it last. When one finally realizes and integrates this knowledge, one can enter into a new relationship with a better understanding of what it takes to make it last.
Healthy, happy relationships are built on trust, freedom, compromise, compassion, empathy, and respect. Once those foundations are set in place and solid, love will naturally sit on top. The goal is to feel emotionally and spiritually sound within a loving relationship.
Here are 11 rules happy couples regularly follow, according to psychology:
1. Love and respect each other
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There will never be room to question the love or respect factor; it will come naturally, and so you will undoubtedly feel safe and secure in that love. Research has shown that feeling loved and respected by a partner is significantly associated with higher relationship satisfaction.
Love motivates open communication, and respect ensures that communication happens within a structure of understanding and consideration. This is even more important during disagreements.
2. Support each other
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They will not allow their insecurities to tear you down or destroy your happiness or your emotional well-being. It can act as a buffer against stressful life events, reducing their negative impact on well-being.
Sharing positive experiences and expressing gratitude can also boost positive emotions and relationship satisfaction.
3. Stand together through tough times
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Standing together through tough times and being there for each other through the dark times is what defines commitment. It's more than just the act of being in love.
It's a conscious decision and sustained effort to maintain and strengthen the relationship, even when faced with challenges. Research has indicated that couples who support each other through difficult times often emerge stronger and more connected.
4. Put in the work
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Both you and your partner must be willing to work through the shadows, and in the end, must be willing to help each other grow. While initial attraction and chemistry are important, long-term fulfillment stems from ongoing work to nurture the relationship.
Some research suggests that couples who believe relationships are destined to be might experience higher satisfaction at the start of their relationship. However, those who believe relationships grow through effort tend to maintain higher satisfaction over time.
5. Understand their love language
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However, with equal input from both sides, you can make it what you want it to be. Research has actually suggested that the key to a happy relationship might not be about partners matching their love languages.
Instead, there should be a focus on actively expressing love in ways that resonate with their partner and demonstrating responsiveness to their needs. Expressions of all love languages can be positively associated with relationship satisfaction, regardless of a preferred language.
6. Practice patience
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While love is a powerful force, a truly happy and lasting relationship requires ongoing effort, positive interactions, and strong communication. It requires patience, trust, sacrifice, compromise, understanding, compassion, and above all, respect to make it work in the end.
One study suggested that patience allows couples to approach disagreements with a calm and rational approach, reducing impulsiveness and escalation. It promotes active listening and empathetic responses, helping couples find mutually beneficial solutions instead of resorting to arguments or silence.
7. Stop trying to change each other
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This understanding is important because attempts to force change often lead to resentment. You learn to love them for all that they are including all their insecurities and flaws.
There will be things that are bound to irritate you to the core, but if you truly love them, you learn how to accept them all.
8. Never make them feel less than
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If you do something embarrassing in front of your partner, they will never make you feel stupid or unworthy.
When you’re in a meaningful relationship, your partner makes you feel confident, and if you ever feel down, they do everything in their power to make you feel better.
9. Spend time apart
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Time apart doesn’t weaken the relationship; it strengthens it. There is no room for doubt because you are both clear on the feelings you have for each other.
In long-term relationships, the initial novelty might fade, replaced by security and stability. Research has argued that intentionally incorporating separate activities and interests can help reintroduce elements of novelty and excitement.
10. Resolve arguments maturely
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It is natural and healthy to have arguments; things can’t always be perfect. When you are in a meaningful and mature relationship, arguments are resolved maturely, and in the end, it brings you closer together.
Navigating disagreements helps partners communicate their individual needs and boundaries more clearly, which can strengthen the relationship's foundation.
11. Stick it out when challenges arise
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You honor yourself and the commitment you’ve made with this person, and you work through whatever it may be, never giving up on each other.
Shared investment and resilience in maintaining relationship satisfaction and stability are important in the longevity of a relationship.
When the relationship foundation is solid and there is mutual respect, you feel fulfilled. There’s no need to go looking for something or someone ‘better.’ You are happy, and they make you happy.
In the end, we all need to take the time to carefully examine what it is we truly want in relationships.
Take notes from the ones that fail, learn from them, and then apply the lessons to all future relationships.
Aja Louther is an artist, dancer, and former writer for I Heart Intelligence.
