10 Sad Signs You’re Emotionally Invested In Someone Who’s Not Invested In You, According To Psychology
The secret ways to tell how they really feel about you.
pixelshot | Canva Dating, especially in the 21st century of social media and filters, can be a tricky maze to navigate. You may be new to the dating scene or have had a few or many exciting experiences. That's okay — we all face challenges in dating and relationships. Research shows there are certain signs that the person you've emotionally invested in does not feel the same way about you.
Here are 10 sad signs you’re emotionally invested in someone who’s not invested in you, according to psychology:
1. You rush into things without truly knowing them.
Yes, ladies, always remember that time is the deciding factor for every decision you take in life. You should give enough time to get to know a person properly. Never jump headfirst into a relationship. For all that you know, the guy can be crazy! Give him some time.
Try to understand the feelings you have for him. Do you just like the guy on a friendly basis? Are you physically attracted to the guy? Do you just like his jokes? Do you see him as a potential husband and father? The answers to these questions will only lead to your destination.
2. They barely make time for you
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Like you should take time to fall in love and go into a relationship with a guy, you should also know how much time he is giving to you. If he is busy all the time or most of the time, for that matter, meets and talks to you only at his convenience, and does not give a hoot about your feelings, know well that the guy is not into you that much.
Research suggests that paying close attention to the time someone dedicates to you, especially when it's inconsistent or lacking, can indicate a mismatch in emotional investment. This is a sign of potential imbalance in the relationship, where one person's emotional needs may not be being met by the other.
3. Their communication feels distant or inconsistent
I know that society has drilled into the minds of little boys that guys should not express their emotions, they should never cry, and be hard-pressed. As a result, it becomes tough for grown men to express their feelings and be vulnerable.
But know this very well: if a man truly loves you, he cannot help but express his emotions in front of you. Whether it is anguish, anger, tears, or laughter, it matters not. He will always seek your comfort or sanctuary whenever he is down. Rather than texting you a stupid emoji on WhatsApp, he will tell you about his real emotions.
4. They rarely compliment you
I may sound vain, but always know that a guy who loves you will compliment you often. Even when you are down, you look ugly and haggard! Because he cannot help but find beauty in the person you love. Just as you find his tired sighs cute, he may also find your topknot cute.
This points to the broader issue of unequal investment in a relationship, and seeking external validation through compliments can be a sign of vulnerability and insecurity in such situations. A 2022 study concluded that this can be linked to attachment styles, where individuals with insecure attachment might crave validation to feel worthy.
5. They avoid introducing you to their family or friends
If your man is truly in love with you and sees a future with you, he will most definitely make an effort to get to know your family and friends. He will also introduce you to his family and friends, making it a point to ensure that you meet them often and feel comfortable in their company.
6. They don't make an effort to do the things you love to do
A man in love, no matter how much he hates something, will try at least once in his life (make it more than once, in fact) to do something with you that you love, or both of you love, for that matter. Even if he hates shopping, he will most definitely take you shopping if he loves you. He will also make plans for road trips, which are a favorite for both of you.
Research by the Gottman Institute explained that when one person consistently initiates these behaviors and the other person does not reciprocate, it can indicate a mismatch in emotional investment. This can lead to feelings of frustration, rejection, and even emotional detachment in the person who feels unloved.
7. They don't go out of their way to make you smile
He will want to see you smile more often. That is because he loves you and loves your smile. So he will do things to make to smile. Even if his sense of humor is not so good, he might try his hand at a joke to make you laugh. And if he is one of those silent, brooding types, he will show his love by doing things that will make you smile like that particular type of chocolate that you like, or arranging your plate in a way that you are particular about!
8. They try to change you
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A person who really loves you will love you for all your faults and negatives. If he tries to change you and critiques your sense of style, body weight, eating habits, etc., know this very well: the guy is not into you.
Clinging to not wanting to change might indicate a fear of loss, a desire for control, or an inability to accept a relationship imbalance, rather than necessarily a strong emotional investment. In a one-sided relationship, a 2017 study explained that one person might feel like they're doing all the work, and resisting change could be a way to feel more secure or regain some sense of control.
9. They're uncomfortable showing affection in public
If you are in love, you cannot help but show affection to your partner. I know PDA can sometimes be unwanted or embarrassing. But when you are in love, you do not see reason!
He will always hold your hand, peck your cheek, or remove that stray hair off your face because… he loves you! If he does not, then do not waste time on him.
10. They are oblivious to your feelings
Lastly, he will be attuned to your moods and senses, allowing him to understand your feelings. He may not be right each time. He may make mistakes most of the time, but he will know when something is really wrong with you.
Research indicates that being able to clearly articulate your emotions, especially when those emotions stem from a situation involving someone who may not be reciprocally invested, can be a sign of emotional investment. It suggests a level of vulnerability and connection where you are aware of your feelings and open to sharing them, even if the other person doesn't share the same level of emotional engagement.
Beautiful ladies know that love cannot be forced. It is unrestrained and free. When you are in love, both of you will know in your heart, soul, and emotions. Trust your instincts, love yourself, keep your senses open… and you will know who loves you more, less, or not at all.
Abigail Winter is a freelance writer and former contributor to The Mind's Journal.
