You Can Love Each Other Deeply And Still Be Done: 18 Signs A Relationships Has Run Its Course
Lolarussian | Pexels Here’s the thing: relationships can be great: falling in love, flowers, fancy dates, all of that good stuff. We all long to have that special someone with whom we can do all these cute things. But as you know, it’s not all fun and games.
They can also be tough and even require a ton of effort to keep up. Sometimes they can even be toxic, but most people tend not to notice or just pretend not to notice. Many of the relationships I’ve gone through showed signs that the relationship had run its course, even if we still loved each other deeply.
After my last relationship ended, I looked back on all the things that he had done to me that signified bad boyfriend behavior. I wished that I had ended it sooner, but I was naïve and didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. That’s why it’s important to look out for these warning signs when dating.
Here are signs that a relationship has run its course, even though you love each other deeply:
1. They constantly hide their phone when texting
Privacy is healthy in a relationship, but deliberate secrecy is something different entirely. When someone physically shields their screen or suddenly goes quiet mid-conversation, it's usually because they know what you'd see would hurt you.
2. You focus too much on trying to change their habits instead of bettering the relationship
When you spend more energy managing who your partner is than actually enjoying being with them, the relationship has quietly shifted from partnership to project. Loving someone shouldn't feel like a renovation you can never quite finish.
3. They don’t know how to balance their time with you and their friends; it’s always their friends first
Every couple needs outside friendships. But when you consistently rank below their social calendar without even a second thought, it's a clear signal of where their priorities actually lie.
4. You find it difficult to have deep discussions
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You’re scared to bring up important conversations like the future or something you’re uncomfortable with because their reaction is always indifferent, and they seem not to care. A relationship without the ability to go deeper than surface-level small talk is essentially just a situationship with a label on it.
Relationship counselor Samantha Burns notes that when someone is emotionally unavailable, "they may struggle with expressing their feelings or forming deep connections or committing to a relationship." As a result, both partners end up feeling "frustrated, lonely, and even rejected."
5. You're the only one doing all the work in the relationship
(I.E., making the phone calls, starting the conversations, planning dates.) Feeling like you have to tiptoe around the things that matter most to you is exhausting, and it's not something you should have to do with a partner.
6. They constantly talk about past relationships
Occasionally, bringing up the past is normal, but making it a recurring conversation is a way of keeping one foot out of the door. It signals that they haven't fully arrived in the relationship with you.
7. Their ex keeps resurfacing
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The issue lies in how your partner handles the situation when it comes up. Someone who genuinely values your feelings will go out of their way to make sure you feel secure. The fact that they don't speaks volumes about how much your comfort matters to them.
8. You argue about the same things over and over without ever resolving them
Every couple has disagreements, but healthy couples work through them and come out with some kind of understanding or compromise on the other side. When you keep having the same fight on a loop with no resolution in sight, it means at least one person isn't actually listening.
It might feel like stubbornness or bad luck, but research from the Gottman Institute found that 69 percent of conflicts in relationships are what they call disagreements rooted in fundamental differences that never fully resolve. This is a signal that something deeper has gone unaddressed.
9. They constantly make you feel guilty for thinking things are going wrong
This is an important warning sign of emotional abuse. Gaslighting sometimes looks as quiet as someone consistently making you feel irrational for noticing genuinely wrong things.
Research found that gaslighting is a deliberate tactic of control that systematically destabilizes a partner's sense of reality to maintain power in the relationship. When someone consistently makes you feel irrational for noticing what you know to be true, that is abuse.
10. They put you down in front of others
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Occasional teasing between genuinely close partners can be affectionate, but there's a clear line between playful and demeaning. Someone who regularly diminishes you in front of friends, family, or strangers is telling you exactly how much they respect you.
11. They don't like your friends, so they never hang out with you and them
Your friends were there before this relationship, and they'll be there after. A good partner understands that and makes an effort even when it's not their favorite way to spend an evening.
12. They exhibit unpredictable mood swings
Walking on eggshells around someone you're supposed to feel safest with can be a draining experience. When you never quite know which version of your partner you're going to get, it creates a constant anxiety that wears you down over time, even if nothing overtly dramatic ever happens.
A study found that mood instability is a significant predictor of relationship and marital difficulties, with partners of emotionally volatile individuals being continuously exposed to the effects in a way that friends and family simply are not.
13. They never tell anyone about you and avoid any mention of you on social media
(Possible sign of cheating.) Being a private person is one thing, but being completely invisible in someone's life is another. If you've been together long enough that friends and family should know you exist and somehow they don't, it's worth asking yourself very seriously why that is.
14. They tell you they don’t like what you’re wearing
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A partner who genuinely loves you might share an honest opinion if you ask for one, but they don't issue directives about your appearance before you walk out the door. Controlling what you wear is one of the earliest and most overlooked forms of control in a relationship.
Licensed psychotherapist Sherry Gaba writes that "a partner has the right to like or dislike what you wear, but that if they demand you wear certain clothing or not wear particular appropriate items, you have a controlling partner on your hands."
15. You’re lying to your friends to make it seem better when they ask about you two
When you find yourself crafting a rosier version of your relationship for your friends, it's usually because some part of you already knows what they'd say if you told the truth. The story you're protecting is about not being ready to face what you already know yourself.
Matchmaker Susan Trombetti warns that one of the clearest signs a relationship has run its course is when partners begin "becoming more separate" from each other emotionally. Stories told about the relationship start to shift from warmth to emotional distance, often before either person is ready to admit it out loud.
16. They 'can’t handle' you during tough times
A partner who only shows up for the highlight reel is showing up for the version of you that requires nothing from them. Real love means staying present when things get hard, not disappearing until the storm passes and the easy version of you comes back.
Research published in the Association for Psychological Science found that the true test of a partner's support shows up during hard times. A partner who withdraws or turns critical when their significant other needs comfort most is creating the very conditions that erode a relationship over time.
17. You’re constantly going back and forth between thinking it can work and knowing it’s not
That push and pull is one of the most emotionally exhausting places to live, and it tends to go on far longer than it should. But if the doubt keeps coming back, no matter how many good days you have, it's worth listening to it instead of talking yourself out of it again.
18. You’re more sad than happy
This one is simple, but it's also the one people most often talk themselves out of by focusing on the good moments. If you were to honestly tally the weight of how this relationship makes you feel day to day, and the sad days outweigh the happy ones, that is your answer.
It’s hard to sweep these issues under the rug, especially for a long-term relationship. It just doesn’t work, and you can’t hold on to something that doesn’t even have trust as a base.
All the person does is suck the life out of you, and that’s definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you feel like these warning signs are clear in your relationship, it’s time to cut them loose. Don’t lose yourself trying to find someone else.
Unwritten publishes content on relationships, love, mental health, wellness, and more.
