If A Man Does These 6 Things To A Woman He Supposedly Loves, He's Likely Not Serious About Her At All
laurence la madeleine | Unsplash Wanting to know how serious he is about you is arguably the most asked question in any advice column and, while it should be so easy as just asking your partner about the status of your relationship, unfortunately, that’s not always the case. What he says and what he does can allude to very different outcomes for the two of you and, while I don’t advocate second-guessing all of his moves, it’s important to keep your eyes open.
A man who is truly serious about you won't leave you guessing. Actions will always speak louder than words, and when a guy is all in, you'll feel it. So if you've been making excuses for his behavior, it might be time to take an honest look at what's really going on. These are the signs that could mean a man is not nearly as serious about the woman he supposedly loves.
1. He doesn't let her meet his friends
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Come on. This one is He’s Not That Into You 101, right? He can use all the excuses he wants about them being a group of people he doesn’t want to mix you with because of how special you are, but if you’ve never met a single one of his friends, you’re not a priority to him at best.
A UC Davis study found that when someone's friends and family approve of her partner, the relationship is more likely to last. Keeping your partner hidden from everyone you know now is called "stashing," and is considered one of the clearest signs someone isn't taking things seriously.
2. He cancels plans repeatedly
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He either wants to see you or he doesn’t. It’s one thing to go through a busy spell at work or with a family crisis, but if he’s been making plans only to break them routinely, there’s something going on that you definitely shouldn’t wait around for.
Rusbult's Investment Model shows that how willing someone is to sacrifice and show up for their partner is a direct reflection of their actual commitment level. Commitment is the defining feature of relationships that last, so if he can't even keep a Friday night plan, that's telling you everything you need to know.
3. He refuses to talk about his past
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Listen, just like anyone, I have chunks of my past I’d be happy to never discuss ever again and I don’t blame anyone for doing some editing on their story. However, if you’ve been seeing this guy for awhile and you don’t even know where he’s spent the last decade, something’s up.
And, OK, maybe he’s coming off an era he’s not proud of and is afraid of rejection (haven’t we all?), but at some point, your relationship can’t be that serious to him if he’s not willing to share even a little bit of his story with you.
4. He obsessively guards his stuff and doesn't want you to come over
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At the end of one of the best 12-hour dates I’ve ever had, I was dropping this guy I'd been seeing for about a week off at his apartment and hinting that I very much would like to engage in some active snuggling when, suddenly, he started making tons of excuses about how gross his apartment was and how embarrassed he’d be for me to see it.
We’d already kissed in his pretty filthy car a couple nights before, so this seemed like a strange excuse until I saw him out with a beautiful girl he awkwardly introduced as his live-in girlfriend a couple nights later. Lesson learned.
I’m not saying you should have free rights to go through all his stuff, but if he seems adamant about steering you clear of his personal space or oddly possessive of his phone, you should pay attention.
5. He avoids answering her questions
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Worse than gaslighting your inquiries with excuses like “I don’t know what you’re talking about” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”, answering a pointed question with long-winded answers that deviate from the point, turn the blame around, or never answer the question are another red flag.
These types of evasive maneuvers can include both wildly over-detailed answers and those that are vague, which can be confusing to decipher; the key is to look for answers to questions that, you know, answer your questions.
6. His stories are inconsistent
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Getting facts wrong is something all of us are guilty of every now and then. However, if you’ve noticed he’s often having to explain why he omitted, changed, or “forgot” important details about his whereabouts or life in general, he’s either developing early-onset Alzheimer’s and needs to be screened, or he’s got a whole extra life going on that he doesn’t want you a part of for some reason.
When partners are dishonest about their daily lives, it directly chips away at trust, closeness, and overall relationship fulfillment. Dr. John Gottman's research agrees that trust is built through consistent behavior, and when his stories keep shifting, that foundation eventually breaks.
Liz Pardue-Schultz is a writer and mental health advocate who writes about relationships and wellness. Her work has appeared in Huffington Post, Time, Ravishly, and Thought Catalog, among others.
