If You Can Handle Rejection In These 5 Ways, You're More Confident Than 95% Of People
Handle 'no' like this, and you're already ahead of 95% of people.
Marlon Alves | Unsplash Uh-oh! Dealing with a recent breakup? Didn’t get that promotion? Did the love of your dreams disappear suddenly? Rejection can be hard, but it doesn’t have to break you.
Have you ever noticed how rejection completely debilitates some people while others stride right through, slowed maybe for a while, but unscathed? Even strengthened? What makes them so special? How can they feel confident even in the face of rejection?
If you can handle rejection in these 5 ways, you're more confident than 95% of people:
1. Confident people let it sting for a bit
One of the key ways confident people deal with rejection is by acknowledging what happened rather than denying it. Ever meet the guy who lost his job or got dumped who proclaims things like “I didn’t need her anyway!” and “Forget this place, I was way too good for it!” You, I, and everyone else know this guy is in denial.
On the other hand, a confident person tends to become quiet when they are rejected. They know it happened, and they begin to deal with the rejection, as they are already drawing on their own resources to strategize next steps. Research using MRI scans of the human brain has shown how emotional processing and cognitive control are both affected when we experience rejection. So, the brain needs time to readjust.
Confident people rely on their resources in hard times, and if they don’t have a solution at hand, they are confident it will come to them.
2. Confident people take stock and learn
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Confident people assess what happened. Whether it’s a relationship or work issue, a confident person doesn’t shirk examining what part they themselves had in creating the situation. Confident people don’t deny or repress. They look honestly at what happened to see how they can learn and improve from it.
Sometimes it takes until some of the pain has subsided, but taking stock of the situation and seeing if you had any part in it shows you’re not coming from a weak, victimized place, but rather from a position of power and capability.
Confident people are willing to learn from whatever has happened. Small or large, it’s just another growth experience for them and not something to let drain all their energy. Studies on the associations between rejection sensitivity and mental health found links with depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
Sometimes the rejection is a result of simple bad luck or a bad situation, and you really had nothing to do with it. The point is to take a look and see if there’s any way for you to turn negativity into positivity.
3. Confident people don’t dwell on things
You likely know the old saying, “What you focus on grows.” Do you find yourself trying to figure out why it happened? Constantly obsessing over why and not being able to forge an answer is an act of powerlessness and shows hypersensitivity to rejection.
Rejection hypersensitivity is often "born of early, prolonged, or acute rejection experiences with caregivers and significant others," according to research from the American Psychological Association. It’s common for people to obsess, but obsessive rumination can be a grand exercise in avoiding reality, and it tends to perpetuate a victim status.
4. Confident people realize that it is likely not personal
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This is possibly the most important marker of a resourceful, confident person. They tend to be able to see events from multiple perspectives.
Non-confident people, because they don’t feel in control, suspect that their bad fortune is the result of some kind of conspiracy against them. Confident people, by contrast, realize that people do a lot of things for a lot of different reasons. Currents cross. Intentions vary and overlap.
They most certainly do not make grand judgments about themselves and their sense of worth, nor assume that they are the cause of events.
When confident people stumble, you’ll rarely hear statements of despair such as “I’ll never be with anyone again” or “I’m destined to be broke forever.” They don’t confuse rejection with their personal value or sense of worth.
5. Confident people surround themselves with positive people
They have a strong support group that reminds them of their best traits and keeps them grounded when life hands them a setback. Because confident people fall back on their stable of resources in tough times, maintaining their grip on positive creativity, friends, family, and colleagues means leaning on those who surround them.
This is one reason why confident people surround themselves with competent individuals. Legendary personal development coach Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the mean of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Rejection or victory, setback, or surprise boon, confident people ride the waves of life. They stay objective, draw on resources, and seek the next steps with a cool eye. And the coolness of that eye derives from the knowledge that no matter what life brings, it can be navigated with the skills and resourcefulness that confidence assures.
Adam Gilad is a best-selling author, Emmy-nominated producer, screenwriter, and entrepreneur who leads a community of over 80,000 men and women on their quest to create love and a bold, inspired life.
