People Raised By Deeply Loving Parents Grew Up Hearing These 8 Old-Fashioned Phrases
ferrantraite | Canva Shallow parents give compliments to their children that often center on their looks and little, if anything, else. Focusing on looks more than other personality aspects can leave the nuances of children’s individuality unacknowledged and underappreciated. Ironically, giving young children praise only for their looks can wind up contributing to self-esteem issues.
Deeply loving parents, on the other hand, treat children like complete people with personalities, interests, needs, and feelings. Whether offering comfort after a mistake, reminding them to treat others the way they'd want to be treated, or teaching them to believe in themselves, these old-fashioned phrases and compliments helped build confident, compassionate adults who still hear their parents' voices in the fan section of the best (and also worst) moments of their lives.
People raised by deeply loving parents grew up hearing these old-fashioned phrases:
Toddlers
1. 'I love your artwork'
Many toddlers love to color and are encouraged to play with paints, crayons, and markers. If a young child shows you their drawings or wants to color with you, compliment their artwork and ask them to tell you about their creations.
When a parent shows genuine interest and positive feedback for their child's self-expression, the child feels accepted for who they are, which is crucial for developing a healthy sense of self-worth.
2. 'Can I play with you?'
Anyone who has spent an afternoon with a typical two or three-year-old will notice they like to engage in play. Asking if you can play with toddlers and engaging with them on their level recognizes their independence and brings you into their world.
A parent taking the initiative to play with their child demonstrates a commitment to understanding their child's world and fostering affection. Research has found that this is strongly linked to a secure attachment style and a child's long-term happiness.
Elementary School
3. 'Congratulations on your report card'
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This affirmation means a lot to many children. Given the gender gap in the sciences and math, it can only help to encourage and compliment children, especially girls, about those subjects starting right away when they enter school. (PS: The most effective praise is often specific and acknowledges effort rather than innate ability.)
4. 'I’ve really enjoyed talking to you'
Genuine, old-fashioned remarks like this meant the world to me when I was in grade school. Hearing from adults that I was able to hold their attention in conversation made my heart swell and did wonders for my self-esteem. Demonstrating to kids that you value what they say lets them know they deserve to be heard in a world that will try to silence them.
Middle School
5. 'I’d love to hear what you’re up to these days'
We should let teens tell us what interests them instead of assuming they want to chat about their crushes. By showing an investment in teens' interests outside of their crushes, we can foster the idea that they are interesting and important regardless of their love lives.
Children who feel consistently seen and heard by their parents often develop higher self-esteem and greater emotional security. On the other hand, those without such attentive parenting may struggle with confidence and feelings of alienation.
6. 'You’re a really good friend'
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School is a very difficult time for a child's social life (speaking as a former lonely nerd). Letting a child know that you notice they care about their friends and treat them well will emphasize the importance of healthy relationships and may provide an opportunity for them to open up if they are having trouble with friends.
High School
7. 'I admire your leadership abilities'
Whether they lead in sports, music, academics, or even at home with their siblings, we should go out of our way to tell children that we notice their confidence and ability to lead others. This will be a great message for them to internalize as they enter college or the workforce.
8. 'I’m so proud of the way you overcame adversity'
Every single child will have struggles. It could be as big and serious as an eating disorder or depression, or as common as a fight with their closest friend. It is easy to forget how difficult it is to cope and work through trying times as a child growing up in this world.
Parents who express pride in their child's ability to overcome adversity are a hallmark of deeply loving and effective parenting, and research supports that this type of old-fashioned praise builds a child's resilience in a lasting way.
Elizabeth King is a journalist and freelance writer. She has been featured in GEN Magazine, Medium, Business Insider, The Independent, The Washington Post, and more.
