12 Brutally Honest Reasons People Say They're Still Not Married
They couldn't care less about getting married, and maybe they make a good point.
Rafael Mota | Unsplash It was right before my 30th birthday a few years ago when people started asking me if I had anyone “special” in my life.
I couldn’t get through a single holiday without the extended family, neighbors, or people from high school (whom I’d, unfortunately, run into occasionally on my visits home) without someone inquiring about this elusive “special” person. What I realized pretty quickly is that when people ask a woman, or a guy for that matter, in their 30s if they have anyone “special,” it's actually just code for, “So when are you going to finally get married?”
A 2024 study explained that this curiosity can also be driven by a desire to understand if there's a specific reason for someone's single status, such as a perceived lack of success in love or a potential problem. Because prying into why someone isn’t married yet, especially at a certain age, is just what we all do ― I’m even guilty of it myself ― YourTango asked 12 people to tell us why they’re not hitched yet.
Here are 12 brutally honest reasons people say they're still not married:
1. They're genuinely happy being single
"I'm happily single after four years of being miserable in a relationship. I'm not looking to settle down or get married. If I meet someone who treats me like a best friend instead of trying to change me into their mother, then maybe I'd consider marriage."
2. Marriage just hasn't been a priority
Halfpoint / Shutterstock
"Because I have better stuff to do."
3. Commitment freaks them out
"It's not just that I don't really believe in marriage; it's also that I know I can't commit. I don't like the idea of being with the same person forever. That doesn't sound like fun to me."
4. They've watched too many divorces
“I just don't think I'm the marrying kind. I look at my friends trying to get a guy who's 'marriage material' and think 'why?'
I don't need to get married, and if I never do, I won't feel like I missed out at all. Besides, half of the people I went to high school with are divorced by now, and I'm only 35."
5. They've been burned before
"Why am I still not married at 39? Because my fiancé called off the wedding because he was in love with someone else. That's why."
6. They're just not good at dating
"I just suck at dating. I've tried every online site there is and I just suck at it. I'm much better at getting drunk and having a one-night stand. One-night stands usually don't end up in marriage."
7. They blame the city they live in
oneinchpunch / Shutterstock
"I live in New York City. As I'm sure every single New Yorker will understand, that's the only reason I have."
8. Career came first, and kept coming first
"I didn't set finding a partner as a high priority until just recently. I poured all my energy into work. Partly to escape from other drama; partly because it's the only thing I felt good at, and other reasons that seem far less important now at 38.
I've dated some great guys, but never committed. I've blamed timing, travel, cheating exes, and beyond. Also, I never met someone who would make a priority shift effortless.
I have a problem with pieces of the institution, but I could see myself married someday, although there's no rush, especially at this 'late' date. I'm focusing on finding a real partner."
9. They don't want to share their space
"I don't live well with other people."
10. They realized they don't need it
"I got engaged at 25 out of some fear that I had to get married, then when the relationship ended, I was devastated. Not because I lost him, but because it killed what I thought was my only chance to get married. I hate that I thought that way, so it's become the least important goal in my life."
11. They already feel 'married' without the paperwork
"Why would I get married? I live with my partner, she's on my insurance, we have a dog, and we own our home. I don't see the point in wasting money on a wedding. We'd rather spend that money on a second home or a big trip."
12. They really do believe it's just a piece of paper
"My fiancé says it's just a piece of paper!"
Amanda Chatel has been a wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.
