Your Single Friends Are Literally Begging You To Stop Saying These 5 Tacky Things To Them
Annie Spratt | Unsplash If you've ever tried to be helpful to a single friend and somehow watched their face fall in real time, this is probably why. Most of the comments people toss at single friends aren't meant to be rude — they're meant to be encouraging or 'just honest.' But
But intention doesn't cancel impact. A handful of well-worn phrases have become so casually dismissive that single people everywhere are begging their coupled-up friends to retire them for good.
Your single friends are literally begging you to stop saying these five tacky things to them:
1. 'I have the perfect guy for you!'
There's nothing wrong with setting up your single friends — but please, know something about the guy other than, "He's single too!" before you tell your friend how perfect they are for each other.
Professional matchmaker Julie Ferman gave some insight into her process: "I'm always screening, vetting, and qualifying prospective candidates for my current clients. I typically spend 2-3 hours each day on outreach calls and emails with potential candidates in searching for my current clients. Finding needles in haystacks is what matchmaking is all about."
2. 'Are you sure you're happy?'
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Accompanied by the sympathetic head tilt, there is nothing more rage-inducing than having a friend not believe you're happy being single. Let's make a deal — keep it to yourself if you think your friend is kidding herself when she says she's happy flying solo, and she'll keep it to herself that she doesn't think your boyfriend is as charming as you think he is.
"Singledom means that every day, you have the opportunity to treat yourself exactly as you wish to be treated by others," explained life coach LouLou Palmer. "You're not going to give yourself a hard time, take the day's stress out on yourself over dinner, or make demands of yourself that you can't or don't want to meet. This truly is self-love at its core level, something many of us could do with having more of."
3. 'What's your latest wild dating story?'
For some reason, this exclamation usually comes up in mixed company, as a way of introducing Single Friend as the friend with all the wild dating stories. Being put on the spot is never fun, even less so when your puppet-master is demanding you dazzle and entertain with stories about the guys you'd rather forget.
Federal attorney Adeline Diamond described the negative impact of being the single friend who was used as entertainment for her friends. "My married friends would laugh, and say something like 'Oh man, I’m so glad I’m not out there!' or 'I could never handle one of those dating apps!' sadly failing to see into their divorced future. Then, because women are naturally programmed to cheerlead for their friends, I would say something like 'Amen! You should be so grateful!' And I would die a little inside without really understanding why."
4. Anything that sounds like it belongs on a greeting card
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- You just have to put yourself out there!
- It'll happen when you least expect it!
- It'll happen when the time is right!
Sure, one of these may turn out to be right, but in the meantime, just assume she's heard it all before and doesn't need a refresher.
"Emotional labor seeps into the dating pool," explained author and single person Maya Strong. "As awkward and unwanted as it may be, single folks are the ones who comfort other single folks who are tired of being alone. They go on dates that end up as emotional oversharing sessions or practice for when the person on the other side of the stereotypical coffee shop table meets their last first date for a long time. They're the untrained, unpaid therapists and the soft place to land when our coupled friends freshly split into the same solitary boat we occupy."
5. 'Your time will come'
Are you offering reassurance or predicting the end of the world?
Diana Vilibert is the former online editor at Marie Claire and is a freelance writer and copywriter, living in Brooklyn.
