Why Do Some People Fear Commitment?
Are you dating a commitaphobe? Here are four reasons why they may find it difficult to settle down
Though many individuals cannot wait to find a life partner and best friend, to share their life with as they grow old together, there are others who have a deep fear of commitment. Neither of these types of people are wrong or right. Of course, the trouble comes when one of each type finds themselves in a relationship – that is when the hurt can begin.
Wanting to stay married forever, raise a family and share a bond for life isn’t looked at oddly or frowned upon in our society. However, many quickly question what is wrong with a person who fears commitment. They are unconventional, not playing by the rules, loners, drifters.
But the truth is that those who are anxious about commitment are human beings, just like everyone else. In fact, one could consider them more insightful because they aren’t rushing into marriage and risking becoming a part of the half that end in divorce, which hurts both partners in addition to children, if they start a family.
Does fearing committing to someone mean that the person will never be ready? Not necessarily. Sometimes it just takes time and more assurance that his or her mate is the one destined to share a lifetime with. There are, however, some people who do desire to not commit, and will remain that way for life.
To navigate these choppy waters, let’s look at some of the reasons people fear commitment:
The Person Was A Child Of A Bitter Divorce
Divorce impacts children in various ways. Some people who witnessed a terrible divorce as a child, or who witnessed many friends and family divorce, may believe that marriage doesn’t work. This person may need more time in a relationship to feel certain the marriage will last.
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Mortality
Sometimes younger people who are enjoying the fun and thrill of dating cannot fathom choosing just one mate for life. Of course, many young couples are excited to be married and start a new chapter in life. Others, however, see it as letting go of youthfulness or as life slowing down. The cycle can enter the mind of marriage, kids, grandkids, retirement and death when stepping out of youthfulness into commitment. This person may also need to wait before making a lasting commitment, such as marriage.
Mate For Life Stigma
There are people who believe that humans aren’t meant to mate for life, that nature’s goal was to populate the species, and that this natural urge is being criticized as a type of defect in a person in our society. These individuals aren’t likely to walk down the aisle.
Loss Of Freedom
Men and women are both quite independent in today’s society. Becoming committed is a choice, not a means to survive. Whether an accurate or inaccurate stigma, the perception is that once you are in a relationship, your freedom disappears. For some, they don’t want to feel obligated to anyone and are quite happy with the way things are in the present.
They enjoy the freedom of dating when they desire, going out with friends or even enjoying the quiet at home while reading a good book. Some younger individuals see friends get married, then disappear from social activities they used to attend. The “that won’t happen to me” can begin building the wall of fear to commit.
We cannot deny that many marriages are failing today – so perhaps the stigma of those who fear to commit should be put aside. For, by being insightful and reflecting, he or she could be sparing another from a painful divorce in the future. Commitment and/or marriage need to be right for both people involved for that relationship to have a fighting chance. Fear of commitment doesn’t necessarily mean that the person will never want to commit, it just means that right now isn’t the right time.