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A Woman's Mother-In-Law Told Her She's Not 'Doing Her Job' After Failing To Remind Her Husband About His Family's Birthdays

Photo: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels
upset wife sitting beside husband on couch

A woman revealed she was criticized by her mother-in-law for something that was a bit out of her control.

Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — an online forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument or situation that has been bothering them — she explained that she was made out to be the bad guy for not helping her husband remember important dates that pertained to his family.

She was accused of not 'doing her job' after failing to remind her husband of important holidays and birthdays happening in his family. 

In her Reddit post, she revealed that her mother-in-law's birthday had recently come and gone, and instead of sending her a card or gift, her husband had simply forgotten about his mom's birthday.

"I found this out because she called and was disappointed that she didn't hear anything from us. I told her that my husband probably should have put her birthday in his calendar and set a reminder and that he never does," she recalled.

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Photo: Reddit

Instead of taking up the issue with her son, the woman's mother-in-law told her that she needed to be the one to remind her husband of important dates that are happening since "he's a guy and doesn't care about that stuff."

"She mentioned he'd skipped his sister's birthday and niece's and nephew's birthdays too, and that I should start trying to remind him. And then she said, 'And don't forget Mother's Day, either.'" In response, the woman told her that she would need to speak with him about making sure he remembers people's birthdays in his family since that wasn't her job as his wife to do so.

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Her mother-in-law, angered, eventually got in contact with her son, and instead of taking his wife's side, he criticized her as well for not reminding him about things like his mother's birthday. He pointed out that since his memory isn't good and since they're a team she should be able to "step up" and set reminders for him.

Taken aback by his declaration, his wife proceeded to test him on his so-called "bad memory." "I asked him what the release date for a video game he'd been talking about was. He said the exact date," she wrote.

He attempted to backtrack and defend himself by claiming that being able to remember the release date for a video game is "totally different," but of course, if he's able to remember something as minuscule as that, then he should have no trouble remembering his family member's birthdays and important holidays.

To try and compromise, she suggested that they create a calendar together that they can each have on their phones to not forget any important dates. Her husband agreed, finding the solution reasonable enough.

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Photo: Viktoria Slowikowska / Pexels

"I started the calendar, entered in my dates, and it has been sitting there, unused for the past two months. What happened? He missed another birthday, and the whole thing started again," she shared. "Now it's become this big war between his family and me for me not 'keeping up' on birthdays because it's supposed to be my job."

Most Reddit users agreed that she shouldn't have to remind her husband about things that aren't her problem.

"He’s a big boy, it takes 5 seconds to put a yearly alert on his phone to be reminded of events or some way to remind himself. I’m sure he’s capable of that much," one Reddit user pointed out.

Another user agreed, writing, "Take it from someone who does all the things for their spouse, this is not the dynamic you want to establish."

"Please keep being strong, you are not his mother, he is a grown man. It is not your job to remember his family's birthdays, don't let them fool you into it," a third user insisted.

While we're all prone to be a little forgetful at times, it isn't the job of our spouses to be forced to remind us of things that we can easily remember ourselves. Invest in a planner, or utilize the calendar app on your phone because no one likes having to parent their significant others.

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Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.