Woman Asks How To Get Husband To Do Things Without Having To Ask — People Think She Wants A 'Mind-Reader'
We've heard this one before.
Steve TV Show A woman named Shosta, who appeared in Steve Harvey’s television series “Steve TV Show,” is sparking a debate after revealing her complaints about her husband of six years.
She had nothing but nice things to say at the start, claiming she was “not ungrateful” for her husband before going into the things she sees wrong with their relationship.
Shosta complains that her husband doesn’t put in enough effort without being asked.
“I have to tell him to do everything,” she says as she stands in the crowd. “Like, if I want a hug I have to say ‘hey, come over here and hug me,’ or if I want to go out on the weekend I have to say ‘why don’t we go out on the weekend?’”
Shosta believes that it’s unromantic for her to have to tell him these kinds of things all of the time, hoping that he would just think about them and come up with them on his own.
“I don’t want him to be a mind reader but, you know?” she asks. “Am I being unfair by wanting that?”
James J. Sexton, a New York City divorce lawyer and author of “If You're In My Office, It's Already Too Late,” responds to Shosta’s question with the thought that was likely in everyone’s head.
“I don’t think you’re being unfair for wanting it, but what I would definitely say is — you married a man,” Sexton replies with a short pause followed by laughter from the crowd as people realize that he’s implying men are unaware.
“Hello,” Harvey says on his left, agreeing with him. “Hello.”
“So he hears about, 25% of what you say. He hears nothing that you don’t say,” Sexton continues. “Even of the 25% that he hears you say, he kinda gets 5% of that.”
He explains that the reason for this is that men don’t talk to each other in the same way women would expect each other to respond.
Sexton argues that when a man asks his partner what’s wrong, he won’t understand that something is wrong if she answers with “nothing,” despite body language or tone of voice potentially saying otherwise.
He believes that for a man to try and understand these things, it would be “so far beyond” what he’s capable of, and instead, argues that if he’s told something clearly, then the man would do everything in his power to accomplish that goal.
“Once you tell him what you want, he’s going to remember it, and he’s going to try to give it to you and make sure your needs are getting met.”
Understanding that this doesn’t take the load off Shosta’s shoulders with still having to communicate her issues, Harvey suggests she leaves notes around for him to see.
Harvey calls them “love notes,” and suggests that she just stick them around places where he can see and understand what she needs from him, arguing that she can even get creative with it.
“But we have to be told a lot of stuff,” he explains, “we don’t hear anything you don’t say.”
Social media users had a lot to say about the predicament Shosta was having.
Many people on TikTok were confused about why she didn’t just communicate for a hug, one user saying “but if she wants a hug why doesn't she go to him and give him a hug.”
The response reads, “because it’s not about the hug — it’s about him paying attention to her.”
The argument continues with people claiming that it’s a two-way street — why can’t she give him the attention?
Others accused her of expecting her husband to read her mind.
They claim that if she initiates the hug, then he’ll have his attention and receive more, but the counter is that, once again, she wants him to give the attention without being told.
“Men need to take accountability for making their partner happy,” one person wrote. “And their partner needs to communicate their needs openly. This goes both ways.”
Other people argued that maybe he did, once upon a time, do all of those things but got tired of it not being reciprocated.
Whatever the case, people online don’t know the intricacies of their relationship or how things run on a day-to-day with them, but communication remains the pillar of what makes relationships work.
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Keep up with his rants about current events on his Twitter.