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Their 28-year age difference is displaying a harsh reality.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Jun 09, 2023
A woman wrote to Mumsnet, an English parenting forum, to air her concerns about her own mother. She explained that her mom has been in a long-term relationship with a man who’s significantly older than she is — her mom is 53, and her mom’s partner is almost 80.
“They’ve been together a long time and in the beginning, it didn’t seem to matter too much,” the woman explained of their age difference.
The woman is sad that her mother seems 'stuck' with her 80-year-old partner, as she’s missing out on having a full life.
She explained that their relationship has become one of convenience and that her mom “doesn’t really seem to be all that happy.”
Photo: Serkan Goktay
“Their relationship isn’t really a romantic one anymore, just living together to pay bills,” the daughter said. “She complains that he doesn’t want to do anything and that he’s miserable.”
Dating a much older man seems to have ‘really aged her and now she acts like she’s in her 80s herself.’
The woman said that her mom is socially isolated: “She has no friends anymore. She just acts like a little old lady and seems to have resigned herself to this.”
She stated that her other relatives around her mom's age are still enjoying their lives, while her mom seems to have slipped into a pattern of living like a much older woman than she actually is.
“I feel like she’s too young to have given up on enjoying a relationship, sex life, [and] hobbies,” the woman stated. “She used to be so social, loved going out with friends, loved exploring, going on holidays... now she just sits in separate rooms [from] her partner and is just miserable.”
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The woman said that while she understood that she has no control over her mom’s situation and that her mom is “free to make her own decisions,” she still feels sad.
“I just feel she’s too young to have written herself off like she has,” the woman said.
The comments were mostly supportive and understanding of the mom’s challenging situation, though some questioned why the mom would stay in a relationship she no longer felt fulfilled in.
Some Mumsnet users suggested that the woman should express her concerns to her mom, or even take her on vacation, so she could see that another way of living was possible for her. The woman explained in the comments that she had spoken to her mom, who said, “Well, he won’t do anything.”
She also mentioned in the comments that her mom works full-time and has a garden, yet she doesn’t feel like that’s enough to make her mom happy.
“He’s not rich; they’re not married and I don’t think he will leave her anything if he dies,” the woman stated. “She certainly won’t leave him anything. It’s all just very strange.”
Most commenters pointed out that while it’s normal for her to feel sad for her mom, especially if she thinks her mom’s emotional health is declining, there’s not much she can really do. Her mom has the agency to make life changes; whether she does so or not is up to her.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.