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Little Girl Gives Her Mom A Flower To Say Sorry For Bad Behavior But Mom Says 'We Don't Pair Gifts With An Apology'

Photo: TikTok

A mother has sparked a debate after revealing the lesson she taught her five-year-old daughter about the right way to apologize after doing something bad.

In a video, TikTok user Lenora shared that her daughter had recently gotten in trouble for doing something she shouldn't have. When her daughter eventually came to her with an apology, Lenora explained that she decided to use the moment as a teaching lesson on the dos and don'ts when apologizing to someone.

After her daughter gave her a flower as an apology, she told the 5-year-old that 'we don't pair gifts with an apology.'

"I got to have a discussion with my daughter that we don't pair presents with an apology," Lenora began in her video. She explained that her daughter had gotten upset and because of her frustration, she had thrown a penny onto the floor.

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She pointed out that her daughter knows that throwing things out of anger is not acceptable in their house, and after the little girl was reprimanded, she came back to her mother with a flower as an apology. Lenora immediately told her daughter that gifts with an apology are frowned upon.

"I told her I love that you are apologizing but two things. Number one, I want you to be apologizing because you are going to correct the behavior that you are apologizing for. We are not saying sorry because you feel bad, we are saying sorry because you are not going to do that anymore," Lenora shared.

"Secondly, I told her I love this flower," she continued, holding up the yellow flower her daughter had picked for her as an apology. "However, we don't give gifts paired with apologies because now this flower reminds me of the thing that we just went through."

Lenora attempted to teach her daughter that sometimes people will give out gifts with an apology to make up for the thing they did, but won't change their actions. While that is an important lesson to teach children, does that lesson need to be taught to a five-year-old?

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She told her daughter that people often give gifts as apologies but don't actually mean it.

"The better gift than this flower would be the change of those actions," Lenora added. For the time being, she accepted the flower from her daughter and told the little girl that the gift would instead be a representation of their love. "Instead, what you can do as a gift is try to change what it is that we did."

She acknowledged that since her daughter is only five, there is only so much that she will be able to understand, but explained that she just wanted to teach her daughter these things early enough in life so they would be able to have a better relationship and open dialogue as she grows older.

As a parent, it is vital to make sure you are providing children with the right tools to be able to succeed in the world when they grow older and become more independent. Teaching children the right way to apologize is definitely one of those vital tools as that is an important aspect of their social and emotional development.

However, certain lessons don't need to be addressed until your child is able to fully understand them. If your child expresses remorse and is genuinely apologetic for their actions, then that should be enough. 

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Lenora explained that she doesn't want people to take advantage of her daughter.

In a follow-up video, Lenora revealed that she tried to set the boundaries of gifts with an apology because her daughter's love language is gift-giving and she doesn't want "people taking advantage of that."

"That's one of the reasons why I let her know this," Lenora said. "My love language is acts of service, I want to know that you're doing what you're actually saying you're going to do. The way that we receive love is not how we should be giving love."



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She continued, saying that teaching her daughter that not all apologies should be given with a gift is also teaching her that it's important to learn what people's love languages are so that "you are able to give them the love they want to receive."

In the comments section, people seemed to agree with Lenora's parenting approach.

"I don’t see why teaching your child sentiments and morals and avoiding conflicts in the future is such an issue for some people. You’re doing great!!!" one TikTok user wrote, while another person added, "I love the message you gave."

However, a third person pointed out that it shouldn't matter how an apology is given, but that a child is genuinely sorry for their actions. "I love getting a gift with an apology, I think the biggest lesson is no matter how the apology is given, it needs to be followed with change."

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Nia Tipton is a Brooklyn-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.