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After the little girl set her own boundaries, the teacher deemed her 'rude' and told other students not to interact with her.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Apr 05, 2023
The mother of a first grader wondered what to do after her daughter’s teacher gave her a “cruel” punishment. She asked Reddit’s r/parenting subreddit forum for guidance after her daughter came home upset and “apprehensive to tell me she got in trouble.”
The first-grader participated in a read-a-thon at school, earning enough reading minutes for five prizes. One of the prizes she picked was to have a movie day at school. But when it came time for movie day, the little girl didn’t like the choice of film, and instead, asked the supervising teacher if she could return to her classroom.
“She said the teacher was nice and said ‘yes, of course, sweetie,’ and so, she left the movie day. Yet according to what her daughter told her, the mom said her own teacher was "livid" when she got back to class.
The first grader's teacher declared her 'off limits for the rest of the day' as a punishment for returning to the classroom early.
The teacher called her daughter "rude for wanting to leave the movie,” and told the young girl she was “off-limits for the rest of the day.”
“I asked what 'off limits' meant and she said that’s when the teacher tells everyone to not talk to you or acknowledge you,” explained the mom. “I’ve never heard of this punishment and I’m not sure if it’s common practice but it seems cruel.”
“My daughter is super polite and never gets in trouble. Any school personnel or adults around her have always had good things to say about her,” the mom said. She acknowledged that there could be more to the story, yet her daughter insisted there wasn’t, and the mom decided to believe her. The mom said her daughter was worried she’d be mad. She wasn’t mad, just confused.
“I don’t see why she should be forced to watch a movie that is a prize, was presented as optional, and was not educational,” the mom said. “Am I overreacting?”
An article from USA Today on the psychological effects of the silent treatment defines the silent treatment as “a refusal to verbally communicate with another person, a way of withholding connection.”
The article noted that setting healthy boundaries and taking time to respond to conflict aren’t inherently damaging behaviors; in fact, they’re healthy. But when taking space and cutting off communication are used to purposefully punish someone in a repeated pattern, that could signify emotionally abusive behavior.
USA Today explained the effects of the silent treatment on children, stating that it can create a sense of emotional abandonment. A consequence of using the silent treatment on a child, who doesn’t have the necessary skill sets to self-regulate, could be “a child’s inability to securely attach in future relationships.”
However the mom decided to approach the situation with her daughter's teacher, it’s clear that she’s an advocate for her daughter, and is teaching her to state her needs in order to have them met.
The majority of people commenting believed the mom was well within her rights to be upset by the teacher’s punishment, yet they also cautioned that sometimes, kids misinterpret what adults tell them.
“Parental emotions immediately put you into defense mode, and I get it,” said one person. “But kids have a way of misinterpreting and relaying things in a generally misconstrued manner.”
Another person, who works as an elementary school teacher, advised the mom to ask the teacher about it first.
“If she really does do this off-limits thing as a form of punishment it is absolutely not okay. I’m so sorry your daughter and her classmates are subjected to this.” she continued, “If your daughter misunderstood what off-limits means it should be brought to the teacher’s attention because that means that others are interpreting the same way and the teacher should address that.”
Someone else said, “I cannot think of any context in which this punishment would be appropriate. Especially in this case, where it seems the child did nothing wrong.”
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.