Photo: TikTok
Is she cool or is she projecting her own desires onto her daughter?
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Apr 02, 2023
Utah mom Demi Lucy May describes herself as “CEO of cool mom” in her TikTok bio but her laid-back attitude doesn't always go down well with other parents on the app.
Mom shaming online is rampant, often unwarranted, and almost always over the top. But, buried within the backlash parents face online, there is often a healthy level of debate around what lessons we're teaching our kids.
May found herself at the center of a mixed bag of responses when the self-titled ‘cool mom’ came under fire for bleaching her 5-year-old daughter’s hair.
May posted a video of her young daughter with newly-bleached blonde hair.
While May originally stated that she bleached her daughter’s hair so that they could then put pink dye in it, people on the internet weren’t so sure.
“Tell me you want a blonde-headed daughter without telling me you want a blonde-headed daughter,” commented one person.
“I mean it’s beautiful but… too rushed! A little pink would have been fun but this is too adult!” noted another person.
One person said, “looks adorable but even when I see my 5th graders bleaching their beautiful natural hair it makes my heart sad. There’s so much time for this later on.”
One could argue that May is holding her daughter’s appearance up to stereotypical beauty standards, and her reasoning for doing so is more about her than what her daughter wants. But some people on TikTok supported May’s choice to bleach her young daughter’s hair.
“Love moms who let their children express themselves,” said one person. “It’s hair, it grows back and it’s not forever permanent. Let her parent her kid.”
Though it could be called into question if this choice was actually her daughter’s choice or her own. “This wasn’t about pink, was it,” said someone else. “You just wanted a blonde kid.”
May had choice words for her critics, though.
The mom posted a video of her daughter’s hair-dye process with the caption, ‘here’s your sign to say yes more— pure joy!’
In that post, May filmed her young daughter at the salon, sitting in a chair with foil in her hair during the bleaching routine.
In an article on dyeing children’s hair from SheKnows, pediatrician Gina Posner stated that “Bleaching is bad for your hair, so you don’t want to put harsh chemicals into their hair when they are young.”
Even Joe Greco, the principal scientist for Global Baby Research and Development at Johnson’s said, “Based on hair science, I would recommend waiting until after the age of 12, as kids' hair is still developing.” Greco went on to say that kids’ hair isn’t fully developed into adult hair until age 12, it’s very susceptible to damage if dyed young.
May seemed to not be aware of that research. “My daughter asked if she could bleach her hair so she could put pink in it,” May wrote of her choice. Yet it could be said that with her daughter’s already light hair color, pink would have shown through regardless of whether or not she bleached it blonde.
“She was so excited and felt so big,” May noted of her daughter’s reaction to having her hair dyed. “She got so excited the minute she saw how blonde it was!”
It's possible that she got excited because she wanted her mom’s approval, and this was the quickest route to gaining it.
“She skipped school to come with me to my appointment,” May explained, which isn’t something a majority of parents would allow, let alone admit to— maybe that’s what makes May the “cool mom” she claims to be. But maybe the true meaning of cool is not imposing adult standards of beauty on a small child. Maybe being cool is letting a kid just be a kid.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.