Photo: TikTok
She felt her daughter deserved to stay in the principal's office but viewers thought she should have come to her kid's defense.
By Nia Tipton — Written on Apr 14, 2023
A mother's response to learning that her daughter was reprimanded at school has people calling her out for not being more understanding.
In a TikTok video, Annie McFarland, a mother of a teenage girl, had been called down to her daughter's school after learning that she had broken the school's dress code policy. However, McFarland didn't seem too phased by her daughter getting in trouble, which elicited strong reactions from viewers.
The mom was criticized for not defending her daughter after she was dress coded at school.
In McFarland's initial video, which gained over 250,000 views, she had filmed herself in the car driving to her daughter's school after being notified that she was in trouble for breaking the dress code.
"Daughter calls because she got dress coded at school and needs a change of clothes," McFarland wrote in overlay text in her video.
Until she showed up to the school to give her daughter a different set of clothes that fell within the guidelines of the school's policy, McFarland's daughter was subjected to waiting in the school office until her mom showed up.
Instead of rushing over there to help her daughter or being frustrated that her daughter's school day was being disrupted because of what she was wearing, McFarland had the opposite reaction.
"I take my time, drive below the speed limit, [and] get Starbucks first," she added, appearing to be in good spirits about the entire ordeal. In the caption of her video, she explained that she wasn't on her daughter's side at all, writing, "Just let her simmer in trouble for a bit."
In a follow-up video, McFarland shared why she wasn't too concerned that her daughter had been dress coded.
"If my kids aren't wrong, then I am all in, mama bear style, all day long. But, here's the thing, I'm also the mom who's going to let them stew in the consequences of their own actions for a while too," McFarland admitted.
She continued, saying that there is a "time and place" for things, including a wardrobe, and her daughter shouldn't have worn an outfit that wasn't appropriate to be worn at school.
People were confused about why McFarland wasn't quick to stick up for her child for being dress coded.
In the comments section, McFarland was bombarded by comments from other people who thought she was in the wrong for not being on her daughter's side.
"I think the problem more is the fact that young girls are being told to cover their bodies so they aren't distracting others," one TikTok user pointed out. "I get there's a time and place for a wardrobe, but kids also need a safe space to explore their own style without being told it's inappropriate or distracting the boys in class from learning."
Another user agreed, adding, "Letting her stew when she was told that her shoulders or clavicles are distracting to males makes her internalize that she is inherently bad just for existing in a body. I was dress coded a lot as a kid and am only now getting okay with my body in my 30s."
A third user chimed in, "Dress codes are stupid. Unless it's really inappropriate, leave the kids alone. Especially when they pick & choose which kids to code."
Young girls are often the ones being unfairly targeted by school dress codes.
In data acquired by Education Week, more than 90% of dress codes prohibit clothing typically associated with girls, banning clothing items such as “halter or strapless tops,” “skirts or shorts shorter than mid-thigh,” and “yoga pants or any type of skin-tight attire."
Alyssa Pavlakis, a school administrator who has studied school dress codes, told Education Week that the data findings are not surprising. "When we take away that instructional time because they’re wearing leggings, we are doing our students a disservice."
With schools enforcing such strict dress codes, it only serves to alienate the people affected by it. It's teaching girls that their body parts are inherently bad.
As an effect, these young girls often grow up having severe self-esteem issues and sometimes grow to dislike themselves just because of how school administrators treated their bodies as an object.
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics.