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By Megan Quinn — Written on Feb 04, 2023
A family was left divided after a man dropped out of his brother’s wedding as best man two days before the ceremony. He claims that his brother and future sister-in-law were unfairly treating his wife by requesting that she be placed in a “separate venue” from the other guests.
Now the man is wondering if he should have performed his duties as best man and gone to the wedding after receiving messages from upset family members.
The man claims that his brother and sister-in-law wanted his wife to sit in a separate venue during the reception due to her disabilities.
Sharing his story on the subreddit thread, r/AmITheA–hole, the 36-year-old sought the advice of other Redditors regarding his dilemma.
He began his post by revealing that his 30-year-old brother got married the previous weekend and that he was originally asked to be the best man.
The wedding was for guests ages 12 and up so that the newlyweds wouldn’t have to deal with rowdy toddlers. Still, they arranged plans for their guests who have young kids so that they could still attend the wedding.
“They decided to have a venue nearby with a professional sitter if parents wanted to drop kids off there,” the man wrote.
The man and his wife would be attending the reception together. He shared that his wife has some disabilities that make some tasks difficult for her.
“My wife has some injuries that make her slow to respond/understand what others are saying, and she needs help sometimes with her food, I'll cut it up into small pieces,” he wrote. “This doesn't mean she's nothing and she's a smart, capable woman.”
However, the man was surprised to learn from his sister-in-law at the rehearsal dinner that she and her brother had made their own arrangements for his wife during their wedding.
“She said they told us about the additional venue they'll be having for their wedding, I said yes, then she asked if my wife had any particular food preferences, and they would order extra food for her there,” he wrote.
“I was extremely confused and told her we already gave our meal choices, but she said my wife would be better suited at the second venue.”
The man was in shock that his brother and sister-in-law expected his wife to be left with children and a babysitter.
“SIL [sister-in-law] said it's not like that and they're just looking out for my wife, so I don't have to ‘feed her or anything’ and can "have fun at the wedding.”
The man’s brother agreed with his future wife, telling him that his wife being in the separate venue was “for the best” and that he could always “go over and check on her.”
This was enough for him to decide to drop out of the wedding as best man.
“I told him if this is the way they're treating my wife, I have no desire to be part of their s–tshow and dropped out as best man.”
While some family members sided with the man, his parents encouraged him to “get over his ego” and come to the wedding, despite them also disagreeing with his brother and sister-in-law’s decision.
The man shared that he did not attend the wedding, and one of the groomsmen gave a speech in replacement of the best man speech.
“My brother sent me a text saying he expected better from me,” he wrote. “I replied back saying I expected better from him.”
His sister-in-law also sent the man a lengthy text telling him that he “ruined their big day on purpose to make them look bad.”
Redditors sided with the man and criticized his brother and sister-in-law’s treatment of his wife.
“The ableism and infantilizing of your wife from your SIL [sister-in-law] and brother is disgusting and beyond AH [a–hole] behavior,” one user commented.
“The saddest part is I bet they sat around talking about how they didn't want OP's [original poster] wife there because she's handicapped and wondering how they could not have her there without looking like the monsters they are,” another user wrote.
“I bet they patted themselves on the back when they came up with the idea of dumping her with the children.”
“They made themselves look bad and they deserve to have their nasty messages sent to the rest of the family,” another user pointed out.
“Good job on protecting your wife OP [original poster]. You are a good man and you don't deserve the criticism you are receiving.”
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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.