Photo: TikTok/@singlemomma8819
Commenters accused the mom of not teaching her daughter a lesson but she believed her daughter needed support more than punishment.
By NyRee Ausler — Written on Apr 30, 2023
One woman unexpectedly stirred up a debate when she posted a video on TikTok of her holding and comforting her little girl after she got in trouble for “pushing and hitting” at daycare. A woman who posts under the username @singlemomma8819 shared the 15-second clip of her holding her small child, who appears to be 3-4 years old, after a trying day.
The mom is comforting her daughter who got in trouble at school and daycare.
Though no words are spoken, the video goes through a few captions, first saying that the girl got physical with another kid at daycare and got in trouble. Apparently, by the time her mom arrived in the afternoon to pick her up, she was crying and emotional. But it was the next caption that started the backlash for the single mother.
It said, “I was so upset that she was struggling emotionally and felt the need to lash out. We snuggled and ended the day on a good note.” The video ended with her telling viewers not to let “one event ruin the rest of your child’s day” and reminded people that children have to feel loved and safe and not to guilt them or “keep the hurt fresh.”
Needless to say, people were appalled that instead of punishing the girl for her actions, she opted to ‘coddle’ her. One person said, “This is a spoiled kid at its finest no wonder she acts like that at school she does whatever she wants at home and gets praised for it.” People were quick to respond, telling that person their opinion didn’t matter.
Another viewer posted, “Did she at least get disciplined? Emotional struggle doesn't give you the right to "lash out" at someone.” And the unapologetic mommy simply said, “Nope.”
From there commenters piled on, reprimanding the woman for not first holding the girl accountable before snuggling with her and even equating the little girl to the kids who hit theirs.
There really are two sides to this coin but before we discuss those, we have to keep in mind that just because the discipline wasn’t shared, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Most people can respect a mother not publicly shaming her daughter for the world to see. But there are several reasons toddlers and small children hit.
They are testing their limits as to what is okay and not okay to do. They are in the process of gaining self-control but are still in the early stages of development, so tend to follow their impulses. When little kids have strong feelings, they haven’t mastered processing them, so can act inappropriately, and they might not even be aware that hitting is ‘bad’.
It’s not clear exactly what type of discipline the viewers wanted but, the caring mom is not far off when understanding how to deal with it. Yes, once the child was removed from the daycare, there should have been a discussion about options other than violence. Showing them alternate ways of dealing with the feelings they have can give them more tools in their arsenal to keep from fighting.
But one key component of stopping the behavior is providing emotional support. That means teaching them the right language to express their feelings and hugging them, making them feel protected, and assuring them that you will always be there to support them, even when they make mistakes. Parenting should be a combination of love and discipline.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle and human-interest stories that share the readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.