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He swears it's an altruistic way to deal with stress, but his girlfriend finds it deeply alarming.
By John Sundholm — Written on Feb 22, 2023
There are plenty of people with off-the-wall hobbies, but one man on Reddit's pastime has his girlfriend deeply worried.
In a post to the "r/relationship_advice" subReddit, the man described how he has been going through a very difficult time in his family life lately.
To help him cope, he has developed a nightly habit that has his girlfriend issuing an ultimatum.
The man picks up stranded women in his car so he can see the "relief" on their faces when he doesn't hurt them.
The man began by explaining that he has had a truly difficult year filled with a lot of loss related to his parents' divorce and his father's subsequent mental health crisis.
He is also a Ph.D. student living solely on a stipend, so he is also dealing with financial stress. Taken together, it has impacted his mental health too, and he has been struggling with depression and insomnia.
Due to his insomnia, he began taking long late-night drives. Those drives turned into his habit of picking up stranded women.
The man's habit began with a 16-year-old girl on her own who he picked up at a gas station.
The girl was crying and told him about her difficult home life, so he offered her a ride to keep her safe.
"The girl was obviously nervous the whole time as I guess any teenage girl would be in a strange man's car, but I really just wanted to help," he writes.
"And it felt good seeing her relief when I actually took her where she wanted to go."
So he has begun going to bad neighborhoods to pick up women in distress every night.
The man gets 'unexplainable enjoyment' from the relief on the women's faces, and his girlfriend thinks it's 'predatory.'
"I can admit it's a weird thing," he writes, but he loves "seeing them go from anxious to relieved every time they got out of my car."
When he explained this to his girlfriend, she was deeply disturbed. She called it "extremely predatory" and "weird," which the man finds confusing.
"I never even touched any of the girls," he writes. "Especially since several of them were underage and I'm not like that."
But his girlfriend explained that doesn't matter, and insisted he stop, which he agreed to do.
His girlfriend insisted he 'get psychiatric help' and moved out of their apartment when he began taking drives again.
The man writes that his recent drives have not involved picking up women, but that doesn't matter to his girlfriend.
She told him to "stop preying on vulnerable women even if I think it's harmless as a means of coping."
But he is already seeing a therapist, and doesn't understand what is wrong with his behavior anyway.
So he asked his fellow Redditors for advice on what to do next.
Reddit and Twitter commenters were deeply disturbed by the guy's hobby, and sided with his girlfriend.
"You realize how quickly this could go south for you, even if you never do a single thing wrong, right? You gotta stop. Like literally never, ever do this again," one Reddit user wrote.
And many weren't buying his story that he genuinely just wanted to help the women.
"The story triggers all kinds of bullsh-t detectors," one person wrote. "Hopefully [he] will heed the advice given here and get someone to help him figure this out."
Others pointed out that regardless of his intention, the women very well may be getting in his car because they're afraid to tell him now.
As one user put it, "from their point of view this may have been the scariest interaction they have ever had and they may have thought they will never see their mom or dad again."
Others were blunter. "He likes them being scared and then feeling relieved he didn’t assault them, it’s like some sick game," another person wrote. "I can’t believe [he] thinks this is okay."
Even those who did trust his intentions and empathized with his very difficult situation still felt the inappropriateness of his actions could not be denied.
"I don't think it's actually predatory per se," one Twitter user wrote, "but I do see why his GF interpreted it that way...this is a power/control thing." They added, "It's definitely not great."
Another person on Twitter summed up the situation perfectly.
"[H]e’s using vulnerable women to make himself feel better because he can’t help his dad, or himself and sees their relief as a sign of a good deed."
"Sadly the reality is that he’s putting them in fear when they are already in a bad situation and have no better option."
Here's hoping he gets the help he needs.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help.
Call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA] National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text HOME to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.