A Dad Wonders If He's Wrong For Not Letting His Wife FaceTime Their Kids After She Moved To NYC To 'Make It' As An Artist

She may not be around, but she still has a right to talk to her kids, right?

Father sitting with two young children on a sofa indoors and flipping through a book. Ground Picture / Shutterstock

A father-of-two recently told his long-distance wife that he didn’t want her to FaceTime their kids anymore while she’s away, but he’s unsure if he could have handled things differently. 

The conflicted parent posted in the “r/AmITheA–hole” (AITA) subreddit, a forum where anonymous users ask and receive advice on personal conflicts in their lives, and offered context for his situation. “Some time ago my wife had mentioned having regrets about never having lived in NYC since that was always her dream.” 


Until a few months ago, he never imagined that his wife would suggest moving to an entirely different city on her own. 

A woman holds a camera and stands in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge.Photo: AboutLife / Shutterstock

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After many discussions with his wife, they came to the consensus that she would live in New York for a year with the intention of visiting once for Christmas. “This was a difficult decision for me since I work 60-70 hours a week and we have 2 young kids but I don’t want her to have any regrets or end up resenting me,” he wrote. 

The father also noted that with the aid of his parents, they were able to support his wife’s dream, and she has since moved two weeks ago.

However, his wife's absence hasn’t gone unnoticed by their children. 

On top of working overtime and adjusting to looking after two children on his own, this father has yet another hurdle to face. “After every [FaceTime] call our son has had a complete meltdown. After the most recent call, it took me an hour to calm him down. I don’t think that’s healthy for him and honestly, it’s a lot for me to deal with on top of everything else.” 

For this reason, the 34-year-old decided to tell his wife that he no longer wanted to FaceTime her while their children were present, which she did not take kindly to.


The user later added an edit to the post explaining that this wasn’t his first rodeo with regard to his wife’s habit of leaving for an extended period of time. 

The user writes an edit on the post, mentions that his wife has left for 'an extended amount of time' twice before. He also explains that he felt obligated to support his wife since she also made sacrifices for his career. Photo: u/Fun_Bandicoot3933 / Reddit

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While most Redditors agree with the father’s perspective, others worry that there may be a deeper issue at-hand.

One user wrote, “Personally, the whole regretting her dream sounds like an excuse to me. I would be surprised if she ever had plans to return. To give up a year in your children's lives to live in the most overrated, overpriced city in the US. Sounds more like regretting settling down and starting a family.” 

Others also motioned toward the possibility of the mother experiencing postpartum depression (PPD), which is a mood disorder that affects many mothers (and less commonly, fathers) following childbirth. Moreover, they speculate that it may not be the first time she’s experienced it. 

“Who knows, the wife may have postpartum depression, or some other mental health issue going on right now and both parties might not even realize it … Based on OP’s edit, it is entirely possible that it could be PPD, because the wife has left before, again, after the birth of a child,” a person wrote.

Some felt that both parents were in the wrong by putting the needs of one person over their children's needs. “BOTH of them deserve massive criticism - her for actually doing it, and him for agreeing to it.”


After viewing the comments, the user eventually added another edit to his post in hopes that he could offer some clarification and assure everyone that “the kids are very happy and well taken care of” despite the circumstances.

An edit of a Reddit post where the user explains that he's aware the situation is ridiculous but hopes that his wife's move can give her peace of mind. The user also clarifies that other than on FaceTime, his two children are very happy and cared for.Photo: u/Fun_Bandicoot3933 / Reddit

Ultimately, parents should be allowed to live a life outside of parenthood, but if it’s at the expense of a child’s well-being, then perhaps it’s time to start reconsidering things.


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Xiomara Demarchi is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team covering human interest topics.