You Know You’re In An Emotionally Safe Relationship When This One Really Uncomfortable Thing Happens, Says A Psychiatrist
Being in a loving relationship allows you the space to work through anything.
Brooke Balentine | Unsplash Feeling emotionally safe with your significant other is integral to a healthy relationship. You're able to let down your walls without fear of being judged or invalidated by them, which is the true test of any long-lasting partnership. To get to that point, you have to be willing to face discomfort, however. That means you have to be vulnerable and share the things about yourself and your past that you aren't comfortable sharing.
In a TikTok video, a psychiatrist known as Dr. E explained that despite how emotionally safe a couple may feel with each other, it doesn't erase past traumas. In fact, a good and safe relationship means there's room for you and your partner to explore those difficult memories.
You know you're in an emotionally safe relationship when uncomfortable feelings from past trauma come up.
"One thing psychiatrists and therapists never talk about is how, when you're in a good relationship, often a lot of negative emotion comes up," he began in his video. "The past comes up and we wonder why that is, and I will tell you the reason."
Dr. E explained that when someone is in a safe, loving, and nurturing relationship, the parts of the brain, the trauma, and the neglect that were closed off and put away actually start resurfacing because those feelings have a space to be unpacked and healed. It means that sometimes, when you're with someone you love and past trauma bubbles up, that just means you're finally in a place where you can explore those feelings.
Eric Froehling | Unsplash
Your body and mind will often protect you until you are in a safe place to begin the healing process.
Whether it's traumas that happened with your family or even just negative emotions that were born from a previous relationship that might've been toxic, these feelings will often stay dormant until you are in a place where you can safely explore that trauma and get to the root of it. Often, it takes a partner who actually makes you feel seen and genuinely wants to support you through your healing for those feelings to come up in the first place.
"It means you're in a place where you can explore it, understand it, process it, grow, and be better," Dr. E noted. It is definitely scary at first to wonder why all of these negative emotions are coming up if you're in such a loving relationship, but it just means that you're finally in a safe space.
As one commenter noted, "So true! This is currently happening to me. I’m so blessed to have a man in my life that is showing me patience and love while I process and work to heal my past." Another shared, "This was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to learn. Getting past that was the best thing to happen to me."
The more you open up to your partner, the easier it can be to heal.
Denys Demianchuk | Shutterstock
A 2024 study found that opening up to a partner was linked with reduced post-traumatic stress symptoms, while less intense post-traumatic stress was linked with a greater sense of healing. In order to reach these findings, researchers recruited almost 200 people with a personal history of trauma who were in a relationship.
They examined factors like the tendency to reveal personal information in general, being open to sharing one’s inner emotional world with a partner about past trauma, their partner’s reactions when they’ve talked about trauma, symptoms of post-traumatic stress, and their experiences related to recovery and healing. They found that being able to talk with a partner about trauma was, in and of itself, also connected to a larger sense of healing.
What the research and Dr. E both stressed is that healing can only truly occur when an individual feels emotionally safe. If these feelings that make you uncomfortable are surfacing and you are in a happy relationship, it's a great predictor that your partner is worthy. It's also a sign that it's time to start healing.
There's nothing easy about opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, especially with your significant other. You may not want them to see you in that state or to hear about the past traumas that you've experienced. But, at the end of the day, you deserve to heal, and if you're with someone who loves you wholeheartedly, they'll want to be by your side during that healing process too.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
