Women Who Make Terrible Partners Usually Do These 11 Things Without Realizing It
Sometimes the red flags are right in front of you.
gpointstudio | Shutterstock No one enters a relationship hoping to be a bad partner, but destructive patterns can overtake a relationship when you least expect it. While everyone has flaws, some women will do things that ruin the connection between them and their partner. These habits are actually pretty easy to spot when you observe them speaking.
Things like criticizing you publicly or comparing you to other people from her past, even though the context was not needed, can cause the relationship to break down. While knowing what these habits are can help you spot a woman who might be a terrible partner, pointing it out is a whole other battle to get through. This is because if they don't realize it themselves, then they aren't self-aware enough to be a good partner.
Women who make terrible partners usually do these 11 things without realizing it:
1. They constantly criticize their partners
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Women who constantly criticize their partners usually don't realize that they are unknowingly pushing them away. Criticism tends to come from a place of fear. This could be a fear of losing their partner or a fear that they may have made the wrong choice. Of course, their partners pick up on this and begin to feel inadequate, defensive, and even resentful.
This doesn't just apply to people who are casually dating, either. People who are in marriages experience more depression when they notice their partners criticizing them early on in the marriage. This is because criticism without merit is just complaining about your partner. There's a huge difference between constructive criticism and fault-finding. A partner who constantly judges them is less likely to feel emotionally invested in them and will never be satisfied.
2. They play the victim in every conflict
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When it comes to women playing the victim in circumstances that they created, the only way to get through to them is to make them take responsibility for their actions by calling out their hypocrisy. Some women don't even realize that they are doing this, but it becomes pretty clear when it becomes a habit. Sooner or later, their partners begin to notice a pattern in their dramatic rants when venting about others.
For them, it's always somebody else's fault rather than them admitting that they may have been in the wrong for once. Women who don't acknowledge their mistakes make terrible partners long-term because their belief is that since no one has held them accountable their entire lives, then you shouldn't either. It's a toxic and tiring cycle that will continue until someone is brave enough to face it.
3. They manipulate instead of communicate
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Women high in Machiavellianism — marked by manipulative interpersonal tactics, a tendency to exploit others, and a preference for emotionally detached relationships — are more likely to see their partners as less trustworthy and engage in emotionally abusive behaviors. Using things like the silent treatment to get their way is just one tactic of many. While these tactics can create short-term control, they break the trust and bond in the relationship over time.
Attempting to manipulate your emotions for their benefit proves that they are terrible as a potential partner. In healthy relationships, communication is the only way to bypass conflict, and it doesn't require manipulation to get two people to compromise on an issue. For those who want something that will last long and bring them peace, avoiding a person who manipulates them is the easiest way to root them out.
4. They compare their partner to other people
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Women who have just gotten out of relationships are red flags and will make terrible partners for someone trying to date them. This isn't a dig, it's just that they need time to heal from their past relationships before jumping into a new one. The easiest way to tell that someone is not over it is if they constantly compare you in subtle ways to their ex-partners or other people.
Many will do this unknowingly because, on a subconscious level, they miss how the other person made them feel. Regardless, regularly comparing your current partner to an ex shows that you aren't over them. These comparisons feel like a competition or even, at times, triangulation between two unwitting participants. Also, comparing your relationship to others just proves that they are dissatisfied with the current situation.
5. They expect their partner to read their mind
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Expecting your partner to know how you feel intuitively makes it harder for couples to resolve conflicts. This passive immobility can cause anxiety and miscommunications. When a woman assumes her partner should just know why she is upset, it puts unfair pressure on the relationship and sets it up for failure.
Being mindful is the only thing that couples should be doing, and interpreting how your partner would feel if you placed yourself in their shoes. This is the healthiest way to make the relationship stronger, as you're talking to your partner about their consideration when making decisions that they wouldn't approve of.
6. They make everything about themselves
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When looking for a long-lasting relationship, one thing to avoid is women who make everything about themselves. This can be by them steering the conversation back to their own experiences, especially during moments when you are looking for a listening ear. While not every woman is a narcissist, there are certain behaviors to look out for that can be pretty easy to spot, other than her constantly talking about herself.
They will also surround themselves with a lot of people whom you've never met and are never going to meet. Women with narcissistic tendencies exhibit less commitment in a relationship and are more prone to infidelity. So, all of those friends might not be her friends. It's not just in her inner circle but yours as well. A woman who would make a great partner would never force you to dump your friends because she simply didn't like them.
7. They refuse to apologize or admit fault
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A woman who refuses to apologize or admit fault in a situation is never going to be the partner that you need her to be. She won't step up when you need her to or even defend you in private to others. People who mentally abuse you will never apologize because that would mean that they are admitting fault and that you were telling the truth the whole time. There is nothing they hate more than the truth.
Apologies have been shown to improve trust and the possibility of forgiveness by the hurt party as long as it's sincere. This is because healthy relationships thrive on open communication and vulnerability. Admitting our mistakes to someone we have wronged helps deepen our connection with them.
8. They try to control every aspect of the relationship
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We've all heard the classic lines like 'do whatever you want' or 'I'm fine' in a very harsh and annoyed tone from women. These types of tactics are all part of trying to control their partners and make them behave the way they want to. Women who do this make terrible and controlling partners who would check your phone while you're sleeping.
They have no respect for personal boundaries and will insert themselves into all aspects of your life, whether you like it or not. Where it can get extremely serious is that control freaks tend to get violent when they don't get their way. It doesn't matter what gender they are; this type of behavior is considered abuse on all levels.
9. They aren't emotionally available
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A woman who goes out of her way to make you feel misunderstood is not emotionally available to you. While it sounds harsh, it's the truth. The harder a woman makes you jump through hoops just to be in her presence, the more it means that she is not as interested in what is going on with you as she'd have you believe. That is the cruelty of it all, some women will string men along just because they can.
It’s because, for the moment, you are useful to her and add some sort of value in her life, but she will never reciprocate it back. You will take her to fancy dinner dates and say nice things about her, but her capacity to say a kind word about you is absent. Sometimes women are oblivious that they're doing this, while other times they are well aware. The easiest way to tell which one she is operating in is by confronting her about it and witnessing her reaction.
10. They undermine their partner's goals
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It's one thing not to agree with a partner's goal or find it too unrealistic to reach, but it's a whole other thing to openly mock what they are trying to achieve. Some women will believe that your goals interfere with their plans or the plans that she has for the two of you. When one partner's goals clash with another's lifestyle or emotional needs, the relationship will suffer.
This is why couples need to sit down and set their goals together so that they avoid any conflicts over it. Many women who engage in this kind of behavior don't do it out of malice, but they also don't make themselves aware enough to understand how selfish it is. Rather than letting your partner have the freedom to conquer their dreams, you are forcing your fantasy into the mix rather than focusing on what you want out of life.
11. They take the relationship for granted
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When a woman takes the relationship for granted, it has the same effects as if a man did the same thing. There's always the possibility for the relationship to end or, even worse, infidelity. Just because a woman does these things doesn't necessarily make her a bad person, just a bad romantic partner.
Both men and women can learn from each other if they are willing to listen. If people master the skill of appreciating those closest to them when they have them in that moment, then we wouldn't have the one that got away phenomenon. Men and women wouldn't be talking poorly about each other online anymore, and we can find the people we are meant to be with.
Sylvia Ojeda is a screenplay writer and journalist who covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest stories.
