Women Who Crave Life-Long Marriage With A Dream Guy Ask Themselves These 4 Questions First
When you dream of a marriage that can stand the test of time, finding the right questions to ask is key.
Kateryna Hliznitsova | Unsplash If you are looking for the right match for life-long love, the question of which qualities you'd like in a spouse has probably crossed your mind. As a romantic type, you might think the fireworks' spark will guide the two of you to your dreams. If you're more pragmatic, you likely have a checklist of attributes you want and dismiss anyone who doesn't live up to those expectations. Either way, the answers lie within yourself.
Both approaches might require modifications to accommodate any real humans with their strengths and weaknesses. People who are more complex than a checklist, or the sky rockets in flight. With this in mind, doesn't it make more sense to look inside yourself to find what you need first?
Women who crave life-long marriage with a dream guy ask themselves these 4 questions first:
1. How deeply do I know myself?
The more you know about yourself, the more you can share with your date. Though sharing your whole life history on the first date is probably too much information. Ideally, give your date little spoonfuls of information about yourself and see what they do with the information.
- Do they change the subject back to themselves, or do they seem interested in your feelings?
- Do you feel comfortable exposing your feelings to them, or would you rather keep your feelings to yourself?
The key to successful relationships is to find a balance between not sharing anything and sharing everything.
2. Am I truly ready to accept a good man for who he is?
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If you want a quality person for a lifelong husband, then accept them for who they are today, not who they might become in the future. Everyone continues to grow, or they get stuck where they are, until they have sufficient motivation to change. What you want in your future spouse is the openness to change and grow over time. Take your time getting to know them. When you disagree with them, see what happens.
Pay attention and be aware of their habits. If they "forget" to brush their teeth, remember, you don't have to kiss them. Everyone, including you, has annoying habits. When you choose each other for a lifelong relationship, there will be qualities you adore in each other and qualities that are a bit annoying.
3. Do I know my dealbreakers and can I stand by them?
Dealbreakers are behaviors and attitudes that would cause you to break off the relationship. They might include poor hygiene, poor employment history, and/or cheating. If you don't want to be cheated on or lied to, tell them. Look for clues from their behavior to tell if they are being open and honest with you.
Identify for yourself how you want to be treated by a lifelong partner. Consider whether they are willing to accommodate your dealbreakers. If not, be ready to leave the relationship. They won't magically change in the future.
4. Do I want a provider, a partner, or both?
In the past, a man was considered "good" if he provided money for his household. Now, they are expected to be emotionally available partners. A good lifelong love partner will grow emotionally with you.
Gender roles are changing to be more inclusive and realistic. Today, there is room for anyone to be a provider and a partner. People are considered strong when they are emotionally attuned to their families.
The way to find your best match is to know who you are, know who they are, and recognize that each person is a unique individual with strengths and weaknesses. No one is going to be a perfect mate in a lifelong relationship. As a team, you can construct a mutually beneficial relationship that lasts a lifetime.
Teresa Maples-Zuvela, CMAT, CSAT, LMHC, MS, is a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in working with women who have experienced betrayal in intimate relationships.
