Why Marriage Isn't A 'Magic Spell' That Will Change Someone's Behavior

Getting married to them will not fix these problems.

undisciplined man Lais Schulz, and.one | Canva

Discipline is one of the most important aspects of human nature, yet it's wildly underrated. While we tend to hate the discipline of our parents when we are young, it’s when we get older that we realize the power and necessity of discipline to get us what we want.

A killer beach body in time for summer? Discipline. Straight As on your college transcript? Discipline. A bank account that actually has some savings? You guessed it: discipline.


Discipline comes into play more than one may think, especially when it comes to intimacy.

Marriage isn't a 'magic spell' that will change someone's behavior.



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Minister, Hollywood producer, and author DeVon Franklin came out with a book called The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love, which describes the importance of discipline, especially when it comes to marriage and men.


According to his book, Franklin says, “If I had no discipline in intimacy before marriage, I will have no discipline in intimacy after marriage. And we wonder why most marriages end and why, you know, infidelity is so high. It’s not like you get married, and say, 'I do.' Okay, everything I practiced is out the window! No. What you have practiced, what habit you have — they’re still there. So if I have no discipline physically, I might be with my wife, but wait a minute, you know, I still have these ideas and these thoughts and these urges that I have not put myself in a process to manage.”

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In an interview with Oprah, Franklin talks about his book and the entire concept of being disciplined. He talks about how men will go against their true nature just to get a woman in bed and that these actions lead to nothing but chaos and illegitimate children.

In the interview, Oprah seems quite impressed with the passages that she reads, all of which condemn men for cheating, especially when they are married.


Franklin goes on to mention that men these days are raised in a culture where behavior like cheating, manipulating women, and sleeping with as many people as possible is encouraged.

But if men can’t get past this kind of behavior and praise from society, their relationships will suffer.

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Before you start hating on men and thinking that women are the victims of this situation, Franklin goes on to talk about the misconception of marriage when it comes to women.

Many women think that as soon as their groom says “I do,” everything will change. If their man has not been disciplined before they tie the knot, many women think that it will all change for the better once the deed is done. This, however, is not the case.


As Franklin says, saying “I do” is not a fix for those men who haven’t yet figured out discipline.

So, ladies (or men), before you decide on marrying someone, make sure to pay attention to their discipline. If they are prone to cheating or have a wandering eye, planning a wedding may not be the best idea.

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Shannon Ullman is a freelance writer and journalist and has worked as an editor for Healthline, Medical News Today, and Psych Central. Her writer bylines can be found on Health, Verywell Fit, Insider Inc., Mind Body Green, and Everyday Health.