What Men Want More Than Anything, But Are Afraid To Ask For — According To 10,000 Men

It's really not what you think.

smiling man Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

The question “What do women want?” is one people have asked since the beginning of time. In fact, during the Stone Age, both the "shoulder shrug" and the "head scratch" head were invented by people pondering this very question.

Unfortunately, this common query fails to include the other half of the partnership: the one with a Y chromosome. So, what do men want? And what do men want most in a relationship, specifically?


Just as men have misconceptions about the desires of the female gender, women also harbor misinformation about men, leading many to hold onto beliefs that block intimacy rather than propel it forward. The most problematic of these beliefs is that men only want one thing.



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Many women believe that men only want to get them into bed for a no-strings-attached night where they sneak out in the morning after silently finding their car keys.

Of course, this assumption is understandable. From Ashley Madison to Tinder, getting online has nearly become synonymous with getting it on: In short, hook-up culture is everywhere.

Still, a woman holding onto the belief that every man is only interested in one thing is as unfair as men believing that women are only interested in money. It creates tension, hostility, insecurity, and the ability to destroy a relationship before it even has a chance to prosper.

We recently ran a survey polling around 10,000 single men, asking them this one question: 'What do you want most out of your love life?'

The multiple choice options they were given were as follows:

  • A. To date multiple women.
  • B. To date a higher caliber woman.
  • C. To find a long-term committed relationship.
  • D. To find and fall in love with the woman of my dreams and marry her.

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Based on the preconceptions in the minds of many women, you might assume the men who took this survey mostly choose answers A or B; but instead, the majority picked C or D!

A whopping 86% of these men declared they want most of all to find and fall in with the woman of their dreams and get married.

Photo: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels


There’s no argument here with the fact that men want sex — the conscious ones do. But they want an emotional connection as well. The problem is, they don’t always convey this in a powerful manner.

The reasons for this miscommunication vary.

First of all, men have a narrow and limited view of how they think they are allowed to connect emotionally with women. Many times, sex is a bid or a vehicle for them to achieve that connection. It is the connection that they're after!

A man who tries to get into your pants may really be attempting to get into your heart. Understanding this can help you see men’s penchant for sex in a different light. Yes, they’re sexually motivated creatures, but they’re also honorable (most of the time).


That doesn’t mean you need to sleep with every guy who initiates a roll in the hay, greeting their advances with a quick, “Well, since you want a connection, let me get my teddy!”

You can maintain your standards while viewing his advances in light of the reality that he’s trying to get to know you by putting out feelers.



Just as we’re taught gracefulness in defeat, practice grace as the one doing the defeating. Let him down easy and encourage his pursuit, but with his pants on.

Too often, women take men’s propensity for sex personally. They feel like a piece of meat. And, honestly, who can blame them? Our society does indeed objectify female bodies.


Remember that not all men are Hugh Hefner. Many are good, decent guys simply looking for a way to get to know you — and going about it clumsily.

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Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator specializing in dating, empowering men and women, self-esteem, and life transitions. He has 20 years of experience working to optimize human behavior and relational dynamics.