5 Things High-IQ Husbands Know About Their Wives By Heart
The husbands who truly see their wives have something in common: intelligence.
GaudiLab | Canva It’s the goal of every married man to be a truly great husband, and that’s an admirable goal. But what will make him a truly great husband in his wife’s eyes? High-IQ husbands who are aware and care about their wives have insights into keeping her happy, on good days and bad.
He recognizes what she needs, what she wants, how she needs to be loved, what she needs support with, and what special thing her husband can do to make her feel special. He's the kind of super-intelligent husband who will keep your marriage strong.
Here are 5 things high-IQ husbands know about their wives by heart:
1. What she needs when she's upset
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There's a great video called It's Not About The Nail. In the video, a woman is trying to tell her partner she's struggling. She has a relentless pain in her head, and she isn’t sure what to do about it.
Her partner, who sees a nail in her forehead, suggests taking the nail out. She gets mad. Why? Because she didn’t want him to try to fix her problem — she just wanted him to listen and empathize. So, his efforts to help only got him into big trouble. Not the goal.
So, let me ask you: what does your wife need when she's emotional? This is a very important question to know the answer to. Every woman is different, but here are a few suggestions:
- Recognize they are mad/sad/angry with your words.
- Listen to them and hear what they are saying.
- Ask what you can do to help them in the moment.
- Give them space.
- Hug them.
- Ask them if they want you to try to help them fix what is happening.
Those are just a few of many things truly great husbands can do in the face of their wives’ emotions. So, how do you find out what your wife needs when she's emotional? You ask her!
When things are good, perhaps when you're having morning coffee or an evening drink, you ask your wife what she wants from you when she's struggling. If she's in a good place, instead of being actively emotional, she should be able to tell you what she needs.
Once she does, repeat those things back to her. Or, even better, write them down. That way, next time she's upset, you have the tools at hand to help her.
2. What she wants him to do without asking
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This should be an easy one, but many men who strive to be truly great husbands struggle with it. Wives don’t like to nag, and men don’t like to be nagged. As a result, women stay silent about what they want to be done, and men try to stay out of the way. And everyone ends up feeling resentful.
One thing a truly great husband does is know what his wife needs him to do, so he can do those things without her asking. And he knows when she wants them done, so he can do them promptly.
Many men are tasked with taking out the garbage, and they do so as a matter of habit, so it shouldn’t be hard to develop habits around other things. Perhaps it’s keeping the garage organized, putting clothes in the hamper, doing the dishes in the sink, making sure the oil is changed in the car, or being the parent in charge every Wednesday.
Of course, every family is different, so spouses must work together to define the things they want them to do without her asking. And not only knowing what they need done, but when.
Many women can clarify what they need, but expressing when they need it done is harder. So, when her man does what he's supposed to do, but not when she needs him to do it, he gets in trouble.
Go talk to your wife and ask her what she would like done regularly. She might not know right away, but ask her to think about it, and you can circle back when she's ready. Be a truly great husband.
3. Her love language
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Her love language is something every great husband knows about his wife. Gary Chapman’s five love language system posits that everyone has five ways they want to be loved: acts of service, gift giving, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time.
When we give our person the love they want in the language they want, they feel loved. Ideally. Unfortunately, many of us love someone the way we want to be loved, not what they need to feel loved. As a result, no one feels loved, and everyone is unhappy.
For example, if a wife's love language is quality time and her husband's is physical touch, they may both give each other acts of service, genuinely trying to do nice things for each other. However, their individual love languages are not being spoken, so neither one feels loved.
Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz with your wife so you can learn each other’s love languages. If you're going to make an effort to make your wife feel loved, make sure you take actions that will work.
4. Her daily schedule
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This is a big one and one many husbands miss. Wives like to have their husbands know their schedules.
Be honest — does your wife have your schedule down pat? Does she know where you will be, what you have scheduled for next Tuesday, and when you have a phone date with your mother? Does this, generally, feel pretty good, knowing someone has your back and will help you be where you need to be and get what you need to get done?
Be honest again — how much of your wife’s schedule do you know? If she forgot she had to run carpool on Tuesday, would you know to either remind her or do the pick-up for her? If she had a girls’ night out planned, would you know you had to be home without being told a bunch of times?
Maybe not? How do you think this feels for her, knowing that no one has her back and she's on her own to get things done? A 2001 study explained the interrelationships between attachment security and marital satisfaction, which showed how positive support enhanced relationship functioning.
Make an effort to know your wife’s schedule. Perhaps every Sunday night, you sit down and review the week. Make sure you both know what the other has scheduled and what you can do to support them. That way, for the rest of the week, she will know you have her back and will feel loved.
5. What kind of flowers she likes
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When all is said and done, most women love to get flowers. Whether it’s from their parents, friends, kids, or partners, flowers look lovely, smell great, and make women feel loved and appreciated.
Of course, the act of giving flowers is a wonderful one, and credit should be given where credit is due. But if you pay attention to the kind of flowers your wife likes and deliver them accordingly, you will get bonus points. She will know you pay attention to what she likes, and that makes a woman feel truly adored.
There is a theme about the things listed above. In each of them, the high-IQ husband truly sees his wife.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Her bylines have appeared on The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.
