5 Things Every Truly Great Husband Knows About His Wife (& Why They Matter)

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Happy man and woman together outside.

I think that it’s the goal of every married man to be a truly great husband. And that’s an admirable goal.

Unfortunately, I see many men try to be truly great husbands but they just don’t know how. They throw things at the wall, hoping to see what sticks — what it is that will make him a truly great husband in his wife’s eyes.

More often than not, unfortunately, the things that are thrown at the wall don’t stick.

So, what does every truly great husband know about his wife? Let me tell you!

1. What she needs when she is emotional.

There is a great video called the Nail in the Forehead. In this video, the woman is trying to tell her boyfriend that she is struggling. She has pain in her head that is relentless and she isn’t sure what to do about it. Her boyfriend, who sees a nail in her forehead, suggests taking the nail out.

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His girlfriend gets mad. Why? Because she didn’t want him to try to fix her problem — she just wanted him to listen and empathize. So, his efforts to help only got him into big trouble. Not the goal.

So, let me ask you — what does your wife need when she is emotional? This is a very important question to know the answer to.

Every woman is different but here are a few suggestions:

  • Recognize that they are mad/sad/angry etc. with your words.
  • Listen to them and hear what they are saying.
  • Ask what you can do to help them in the moment.
  • Give them space.
  • Hug them.
  • Ask them if they want you to try to help them fix what is happening.

Those are just a few of many things that truly great husbands can do in the face of their wife’s emotions.

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So, how do you find out what your wife needs when she is emotional? You ASK HER.

I would suggest that, when things are good, perhaps when you are having morning coffee or an evening drink, you ask your wife she what she wants from you when she is struggling. If she is in a good place, instead of actively emotional, she should be able to tell you what she needs.

Once she does, repeat those things back to her. Or, even better, write them down. That way, next time she is upset, you have the tools at hand to help her.

2. What she wants him to do without asking and when.

Ok, this should be an easy one but many men who strive to be truly great husbands struggle with it.

If there is one thing that I know about marriage it’s that wives don’t like to nag and men don’t like to be nagged. As a result, women stay silent about what they want to be done and men try to stay out of the way and everyone ends up feeling resentful.

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One thing that a truly great husband does is know what his wife needs him to do so that he can do those things without her asking. And he knows when she wants them done so he can do them in a timely manner.

Many men are tasked with taking out the garbage and they do so as a matter of habit so it shouldn’t be that hard to develop habits around other things. Perhaps it’s keeping the garage organized or putting your clothes in the hamper or making sure the oil is changed in the car or being the parent in charge every Wednesday.

Of course, every family is different so it’s important that spouses work together to define what are the things that she wants you to do without her asking. And not only knowing what they need done but when. Many women are able to clarify what they need but expressing when they need it done is harder. So, when her man does what he is supposed to do but not when she needs him to do it, he gets in trouble.

I would encourage you to go talk to your wife after you are done with this article and ask her what she would like done on a regular basis. She might not know right away but ask her to think about it and you can circle back when she is ready.

Be a truly great husband!

3. What her love language is.

Her love language? What the heck is that? It’s something that every truly great husband knows about!

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Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Language system posits that everyone has five ways that they want to be loved: Acts of Service, Gift Giving, Words of Affirmation. Physical Touch and Quality Time.

When we give our person the love that they want in the language that they want they feel loved. Ideally.

Unfortunately, many of us love someone the way that WE want to be loved, not what THEY need to feel loved. As a result, no one feels loved and everyone is unhappy.

An example of this is in my marriage. My love language was Quality Time and my ex-husband’s was Physical Touch. We were both giving each other Acts of Service, genuinely trying to do nice things for each other, but our individual love languages were not being spoken so neither one of us felt loved.

So, I would encourage you to take the 5 Love Languages Quiz with your wife so that you can learn each other’s love languages. If you are going to make an effort to make your wife feel loved, make sure you take actions that will actually work!

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4. Her schedule.

This is a big one and one that many men miss. Wives like to have their husbands know their schedules.

Be honest — does your wife have your schedule down pat? Does she know where you will be when and what you have scheduled for next Tuesday and when you have a phone date with your mother? Does this, generally, feel pretty good, knowing that someone has your back and will help you be where you need to be and get what you need to get done?

Be honest again — how much of your wife’s schedule do you know? If she forgot that she had to run carpool on Tuesday, would you know to either remind her or do the pick-up for her? If she had a girl’s night out planned, would you know that you had to be home without being told 4000 times? Maybe not?

How do you think this feels for her — knowing that no one has her back and that she is on her own to get things done?

I would encourage you to make an effort to know your wife’s schedule. In this day and age of electronic calendars, it’s not that hard.

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Perhaps every Sunday night you sit down and review the week. Make sure that you both know what the other has scheduled and what you can do to support them. That way, for the rest of the week she will know that you have her back and that will make her feel loved.

And this will make you a truly great husband!

5. What kind of flowers she likes.

When all is said and done, women love to get flowers. Whether it’s from our parents or our friends or our kids or our partners, flowers look lovely, smell great and make us feel loved and appreciated.

That being said, if you are going to get your wife flowers, it’s a great idea to know what kind she likes.

My mom hated carnations and she hated baby’s breath. All of her friends and her daughters knew this about her and went out of their way to make sure that any flowers she received contained neither. Her husband, and her son, weren’t so knowledgeable.

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Of course, the act of giving flowers is a wonderful one and credit should be given where credit is due. But, if you pay attention to the kind of flowers your wife likes and deliver them accordingly, you will get extra bonus points. She will know that you pay attention to what she likes and that makes a woman feel loved.

So, no carnations or baby’s breath, father and brother of mine!

There are five things every truly great husband knows about his wife. They are things that might seem daunting but are not so difficult once they are implemented.

There is a theme about the things that I listed above. In each of them, the husband SEES his wife. He recognizes what she needs, what she wants, how she needs to be loved, what she needs support with, and what special thing her husband can do to make her feel special.

This isn’t a man who throws things against the wall, seeing what sticks. Not reading a list about things women, in general, like and trying to apply those things to his wife. A truly great husband pays attention to his wife and knows who she is and acts accordingly.

I know that you want to be a truly great husband and I know you can be one! Just follow the items I listed above, get to truly know your wife, and wait for great things to happen!

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.