3 Unhealthy Signs You're In A Love-Hate Relationship With Your Partner

If these signs sound familiar, your relationship isn't healthy.

Last updated on May 27, 2024

Love hate relationship Max4e Photo | Shutterstock

When a girl likes a guy, she will put up with a lot. Flaking on phone calls, canceling plans, and even dropping hints that a long-term relationship is not in the cards. Every day, I receive emails from women desperately seeking advice about how to deal with the object of their affection and frustration. While I can give tips and techniques on how to get him to initiate more texts or how to have that relationship talk, the real question here is why do so many women want to be in a relationship with someone who constantly frustrates and disappoints them? Are you in a love-hate relationship? Let's find out!


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Here are 3 unhealthy signs you're in a love-hate relationship with your partner:

1. You only like "the outside" 

He may have a wicked cute smile, but he also cancels at the last minute, waits days to call, and keeps you on edge at all times. You want him but you also can't stand him and that is because you are smitten with the exterior package he portrays. Sure, he's good-looking, charming, and funny but those are all surface-level qualities, and what matters most when deciding to get involved with a man is his core character. Is he a man of his word? Is he someone who puts others first? Does he treat all people with the same respect? Most importantly, how does he make you feel when you're with him?


As I talk about in my book, Was It Something I Said? these are the more important things to consider, so when you are frustrated by your guy, ask yourself if what's going on here is you love the outside but hate what's inside? Even though you may be wildly attracted to him now, after a few years of being with a man who lacks character, you won't care how cute his butt looks in those jeans. You won't be able to stand the sight of him.

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2. He's a prize to be won

You've already invested a few months and although things aren't exactly going well, you refuse to give up and walk away now. But your quest to officially land him has become more about validating yourself than it is about finding true love. When we get involved with people who are selfish or unreliable (for example) it makes us question our worth. It shouldn't because it's not our fault a guy lacks character but for some reason, we tell ourselves that if he liked us more, he'd behave better. So getting him to change his ways is secretly about regaining our self-image. If we get him to like us, we think we'll feel confident again. Sadly, however, it's not only a lost cause because a leopard doesn't change his spots but when we put our self-worth in anyone's hands but our own, it will never be safe.


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3. You're addicted to "wanting" a relationship

Yes, it is a real addiction just like drugs, alcohol, or designer shoe shopping. You can become addicted to wanting a relationship. Therefore you subconsciously pick people who will never give you one and reject people you know want one from you! After years of riding the relationship roller coaster with men, you've become addicted to the highs and lows. The safe, stable, ground seems boring to you. Unfortunately, real love does not feel like you're riding Magic Mountain, so if you keep chasing the "wanting" feeling, you'll never get to the real, good stuff.

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Jess McCann is a writer, dating/relationship coach, and the author of the book, You Lost Him at Hello.