5 Types Of Men Who Aren't Worth Your Time (And The One That Is), According To A Relationship Expert
Don't overlook the man who would never make you question your worth.
Sergio Kian | Unsplash Dating is a trial-and-error process. A “numbers game,” so to speak. One of the only ways to determine what type of guy you want to be with is to be with people who aren’t completely right for you.
The idea that experiencing less-than-perfect relationships helps you define your ideal partner is a complex one in practice. Research suggests that by comparing and contrasting different relationship experiences, you can identify what qualities, behaviors, and dynamics are genuinely essential to you. However, there are ways to avoid unnecessary heartache and steer clear of the wrong types of menin a more effective attempt to find the right one.
Five types of men that aren't worth your time, and the one guy that actually is:
1. The control freak
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While this one should be obvious, oftentimes the “control freak” type can be disguised at the beginning of a relationship as someone who just pays a lot of attention.
Eventually, though, you will begin to feel a little more closed in and unable to make your own decisions. Additionally, the decisions you do make could feel judged or looked down upon. This is to mold you into the person he/she want you to be to obtain a role of “power” in the relationship.
Relationships aren’t about power or control – they are about cooperation and collaboration. For this reason, a man or woman who is a control freak is unable to build a healthy relationship with an equal and should be avoided.
It is also important to note that control is easily associated with emotional abuse and could eventually lead to other types of abuse in the future. If you ever experience even a single instance of abuse of any kind, run.
2. The constant complainer
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Dating an eternal pessimist is akin to trying to go for a swim with an anchor tied to your ankle. There is a difference between two people balancing each other out, and one who drags another down emotionally.
To try to build a relationship someone who is always complaining or seeing the negative side of things will be increasingly difficult over time because their attitude will begin to rub off on you (if you let it), and while you may not become as negative, you could easily stop always trying to see the silver lining of a situation because they will keep shooting you down.
If you are a naturally positive person, being with someone else who has a similar attitude will elevate your level of happiness, and anyone who does the opposite should be moved on from.
3. The Silly Putty man
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Most of you probably remember Silly Putty. It was a super flexible substance that you could do whatever you wanted with. You could even pull it so hard that it separated apart, but then you could just put it back together again and continue to mold it.
Sure, it was fun to play with, but it wasn’t your significant other. Flexibility and compromise in a relationship are important, but so is having your own opinions and point of view.
Being with someone who doesn’t have their own identity and relies on you for every decision will drain you of energy, and not to mention — bore you to death. As an intelligent, independent adult — your best partner is someone with the same qualities.
4. The center of the universe
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The opposite of Silly Putty is that hardened Play-Doh stuff. Remember that stuff? When it would get hard it would have no flexibility at all — it would just stay the way it is and break apart if you tried to do anything with it.
So it goes with someone who is so self-absorbed that everything needs to revolve around them, requiring them to do essentially nothing but be catered to. We should never want to change our partner, but their willingness to be flexible and compromise is essential to ensuring the happiness of both teammates in a relationship.
Additionally, someone who is so concerned with their own self is much less likely to be concerned with your happiness.
5. The narcissist
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A few of these previous qualities could fall under the umbrella of narcissism, but recognizing it as a self-standing diagnosis is ultra-important.
Individuals with this disorder exhibit a lack of ability to empathize with others and an inflated sense of self-importance, which does not bode well for a healthy relationship.
The type of man you should date: The man who makes you feel safe. Invincible. Wanted. Desired. Valued. Consistently.
Being with the right man is not just about how you feel about him, it’s also about how you feel about yourself when you’re with him. Does he encourage you? Does he support your endeavors? Does he help you flourish in all ways when he is able?
In my opinion, the non-negotiable answer to all of these (and other) questions, has to be a resounding yes. It has to be a yes because a healthy relationship is comprised of two individuals who both lead separate lives, but that converge as one. Neither person can smush themselves into the mold of the other person and sacrifice their identity — unless they want to be resentful and unfulfilled forever.
We all have individual interests, needs, desires, professions, hobbies, and paths in life. And as a result, your teammate (my favorite word for ‘partner’) should support you as you enjoy all of the things you loved before they came into your life.
Powerful women crave powerful men — it is their only option — a weak man will have no idea what to do with her. Grow, thrive, and succeed … together. We have more power as a society than we ever have in the past. Let’s not waste it.
With billions of people in the world, it is impossible to categorize everyone, but there are certain traits we need to be cognizant of to maximize our chances of happiness in a relationship.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He is a go-to expert on CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
