10 Types Of Guys Who Stay Single Because They Never Healed Their Childhood Wounds
They say they want love, but deep down, they're still fighting old battles.
Brock Wegner | Unsplash Editor's Note: This is a part of YourTango's Opinion section where individual authors can provide varying perspectives for wide-ranging political, social, and personal commentary on issues.
While the most common word for a single man is a bachelor, he could also be called a player if he chooses to stay single and date many women at once, without choosing a commitment to one of them.
And as you might be able to tell from this list of why men are single, there are, unfortunately, single men who reach the age group of 45 and over without being in a relationship. But speaking as someone who’s been there, dated that, and followed all sorts of dating advice, I know who these types of guys are.
Here are 10 types of guys who stay single because they never healed their childhood wounds:
1. The aging player
If he were still 22 and was the classic bad boy, this might be alright. But when a guy is single at 30 and still juggling women, it’s safe to say he might not be cut out for a life of commitment.
People who need to keep up the “Player’s Lifestyle” are not necessarily happy people; they’re often very lonely and very insecure. They frequently have issues that they may not even be aware of. Sure, these guys can coast along when they’re 30, but usually, by 40, they realize a man’s looks fade, too, and money can only go so far. Contrary to popular belief, men end up losing value over time, too. After all, money can’t buy love.
2. The bitter man
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Much like bitter women, the bitter man had just one too many bad experiences with the dating scene, and now he's done. Unlike bitter women, though, bitter men express their bitterness with rage and are very vocal about it. They want you to know the dating equivalent of, “You didn't fire me! I quit!”
Couples counselor James Walkup advised, "Our society, unfortunately, teaches boys to shut down their emotions. As a result, they grow into men who typically struggle to express what they truly mean, for fear of looking weak. This is also because men are never taught to communicate their feelings; they now lack the emotional vocabulary to effectively do so. This can lead to serious anger issues."
Much like the aging player, these men may need mental wellness/health help or to do some soul-searching. They know not all women are like that, but they’ve reached the point where the resentment and rejection have gotten so bad that they no longer could have a healthy relationship, even if they wanted to.
3. The frantic man
Biological clocks happen with men, too. One day, this guy, possibly a player, woke up and realized he needed a family. Now, he’s on the prowl and a bit desperate.
His friends are getting worried, and so are his family members. He’s hitting up Hinge and trying to find "The One" who will be a good baby mama. Oddly enough, he’s probably not that bad of a catch. However, you'd better be willing to settle down yesterday with this one. Like, babies, ASAP.
4. The married guy who claims he’s single
Yeah, they’re not single. They’re just usually low-lifes who probably should divorce the poor women they swindled into marriage. Nothing about guys like this is attractive.
This is a huge portion of the reason why so many women end up having trust issues. But he’s in the minority. At least, that’s what I’m hoping is true.
5. Mr. you’re-so-nice-as-a-friend
Some people, regardless of looks or personality, just don’t seem to have the right “zazz” to be considered attractive by others. He might put off the wrong vibes, or just have some kind of mismatch in hormones. Sadly, there’s not much people in this situation can do, aside from continuing their search, trying to improve themselves more, or giving up.
6. The optimistic quitter
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Sometimes, love doesn’t seem to be a priority, or, rather, doesn’t seem to be in the cards. Men, more than women, are likely to just stop trying to date anyone and are also likely to stop pursuing partners. Why? Because in many situations, it just doesn’t make sense to keep trying only to face an increased chance of being shot down.
What’s cool about optimistic quitters is that they aren’t necessarily bitter towards women, and they would be open if a girl were to approach them. However, due to the dating scene being what it is, they may not even pick up when a lady’s interested anymore.
7. The man-child
Narcissistic and totally irresponsible, the man-child usually believes he wants to date someone. However, he doesn’t actually want a girlfriend. He wants a new mom. He also wants to have a partner who is physically intimate with him and provides for him.
Woe is the woman who finds herself a man-child boyfriend because she’ll likely be burned out by the time she leaves him. Outwardly, though, he seems okay, at least at the start.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann cautioned, "[A man-child] will attack you like a snake you inadvertently stepped on and express his anger, deflection, blame, and anything else in his arsenal so you don't push his buttons again. Not only will he be defensive, but deflection and blame are common, as well. Deflection helps keep the attention off of him and his inability to express his feelings. He will often deflect whatever you are saying right back onto you to shut down the conversation."
8. The guy who realizes he’s messed up and refuses to date because of it
Many of the types of guys who stay single are not respectable from a dating standpoint. But this guy? This guy, you have to respect.
It takes a lot of willpower to actually admit that some problems need to be fixed before you get into dating again. Some of these guys swear off dating permanently, while others are just taking a temporary break. Either way, at least he’s being honest with himself.
9. The guy who is legit happily single and won’t change that
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Social standards, be gone. Some folks are happy being single and want to stay that way. It happens to both men and women, so we can’t really hate that.
Consultant and life-long single person Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., explained how you can "have a family of your own when you're committed to being single. Being unmarried does not preclude creating and deepening a range of familial ties. I’m a fan of family by choice. In fact, that may avoid some unacknowledged, unaddressed patterns that limit growth and development in conventional families."
10. The catch
He’s got a degree from Yale, a nice body, and, oh yeah, no psychological issues. He lives an action-packed life. He doesn’t have kids, either. Problem? Well, he’s looking for his equivalent in a woman and, unfortunately, rare guys like this will end up staying single for longer because it’s so hard to find someone that perfect, regardless of gender.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann elaborated, "Sometimes the only way to figure out whether a man loves you back, or couldn't care less, is with a little help from an outside perspective. Men who seem to lose relationships tend to reinforce keeping people away by letting them know they aren't interested through their behaviors."
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
