I Tried Modern Dating And All I Got Was Bitterness And Trust Issues

Men have ruined dating for me.

woman in green headscarf pouting Studio GM/ Shutterstock

Hi, I’m a bitter shell of a human being.

I wasn’t always this way. In fact, I used to give every person a shot to prove themselves to be good, kind, decent people. But a little something has changed this in me and, unfortunately, the trusting, loving person in me died a horrible death. Want to know what that is? It’s modern dating.

It used to be so much nicer back in the day — at least, that’s what my mom tells me. Guys actually used to buy girls dinner, give them gifts, ask to meet with their parents, and really show interest in commitment.


Growing up, I always assumed that most guys would be this way. I assumed, idiotically, that they would be capable of old-fashioned love and romance.

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Enter modern dating.

Modern dating, I honestly believe, brings out the absolute worst in people.

The people who are the most vocal are often the ones with entitlement issues, who think people should “know their place.” The constant pressure of being nice to people who you’re not interested in makes it hard for anyone to feel like they can be real.

For example, my biggest gripe is the way that I can't ever seem to win when it comes to rejection. I


f I don't like a guy, saying no immediately makes me a b****.

I can't name how many times I heard both men AND WOMEN tell me that I'm being "shallow" for saying no and that I should "just give the guy a chance." I personally know I’ve questioned myself and wondered if I was really “unreasonable” for not dating or sleeping with guys I wasn't into. Like, should I just settle for bad sex and zero attraction? 

Of course, I’m called names when I reject guys, but when guys reject people who are (or appear to be), female, they can say anything they want to say. T

he messages we get online are vapid, mean, and often end up making us wonder if we’re really “defective” as the insults suggest. I’ve learned to assume that people think being cruel behind a computer screen is OK. Hell, I've had one guy tell me, "I'm sorry but I can't be seen with a fat chick" straight to my face, too. 


Thanks to the modern dating scene, I’ve also learned men are very misguided in how they value women. This, too, contributed to the total lack of respect and faith I have in men.

I’ve had guys walk out on friendships when they realized sleeping with me wasn’t going to happen. I've had guys think that they have a RIGHT to be horrible to me based on my waist size.

I've had one guy punch me because I kept telling him that I see myself as transgender — and "he couldn't have one of those." My value as a person is based on the gender I was born into and my waistline, and I’m fed up with being categorically tossed out based on my looks.

RELATED: Why You Keep Attracting Men Who Will Never Make You Happy


Rejection aside, breakups are also way too common and done in really messed-up ways. We’re ghosted, un-ghosted, benched, and breadcrumbed these days.

I can't name how many promising dates I had that ended with the guy basically saying that there was no way he'd commit to me, but that I was "still good for casual stuff, right?" After too many disappointments, it’s hard not to just begin to wait for the other shoe to drop.

Modern dating makes people disposable; your next 15-minute soulmate is just a swipe away now. How can a single person compete with all those options? Who's to say that a partner won't just get bored and drop you?

After having disappointment after disappointment, I had to pull away from dating. I felt used up. I felt hurt. I no longer was able to view prospects as people but as people who I had to win over, cater to, and cajole into a committed relationship.


And because of how I was treated, I lost the ability to believe that an entire gender could want love — or at least, I've begun to think there's something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me unable to "seal the deal" or pique interest.

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There’s no other way to say it. The way modern dating chewed me up and spit me out just broke me. Dating has made me bitter. I'm not the person I used to be because people took all the good parts away from me while "courting" me. I'm not willing to give guys a shot because, if something bad happens to me, I will be blamed for it, never them. 


I, as someone who only wanted love and support, am broken. While I wish someone would put me back together, the fact is that I’m not going to hold my breath with Cupid’s track record. (Actually, if I ever met that Cupid guy, he’d probably get curb stomped by me as a way of me saying "thank you" for 15 years of bad dating.)

So far, all that modern dating has done is make me into someone I never want to be, and that’s why I quit.

All dating and seeking love has done was give me trust issues and I'm so over it at this point. Even if it was my dream to be some person's doting wife, it's just not worth trying to love anyone anymore. Thanks, world, you lost another one. 

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.