Too Many People Use 'Twin Flames' To Excuse Abusive Relationships

He’s not your 'twin flame.' He’s a jerk.

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"Oh, but he’s my twin flame," said Cara*.

I looked at the bruises on her wrist. Cara was a close friend of mine at the time, and her boyfriend was my ex. And oh Lord, my ex was a covert narcissist with abusive behavior.

Oddly enough, Cara and I met when my ex, Juan*, introduced us. He wanted me to talk to her after he forced her to have an abortion, and I had taken the time to warn her that things weren’t going to be good for her if she stayed.


But, Cara is like me: stubborn and willing to give a guy a chance.

Well, it was her engagement party, he got wasted and hit the pills, and then he made an a** out of himself again. And, the bruise marks were there.

Cara honestly believed that his "twin flame" status meant that she might be destined to be with him.


Truth be told, I remember having to hide her as she finally broke up with him — and she was relieved it was over.

RELATED: What Happens When You Meet Your Twin Flame + 7 Signs You've Met Yours

I think it’s time that we talk about a quasi-taboo topic in spirituality circles.

Trust me when I say I’m a very "woo-woo" type of person. I have a shrine to Bast in my home, practice witchcraft, am a firm believer in aliens and also do my own tarot cards regularly.

But, as superstitious as I am, it’s time we talk about the darker side of spirituality: when spiritual concepts are used to keep people in abusive relationships.

While I’ve seen this happen with cults that tell people they’re "destined to be together," it’s also common to see people use their belief in the term "twin flame" to come up with a reason to stay with someone abusive.


What is a twin flame supposed to be?

Honestly, it’s hard to tell what a twin flame is. It’s really conflated and people seem to mess around with the definition in order to benefit them.

The general consensus is that it’s a lover or person who’s supposed to teach you a lesson for spiritual growth. It’s supposed to be someone who’s predestined to be with you because you’re both one full soul in two bodies.

Twin flames aren’t supposed to be soul mates. They’re just tumultuous relationships that are there to teach you something.

They’re literally half of your soul — if you believe that part. I usually heard it as just a soul who’s there to teach you something.


Contrary to common belief, you’re not supposed to end up with your twin flame. Despite that bit of warning, most people don’t get the memo.

RELATED: 21 Warning Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Relationships

Why do people use the idea of soulmates and twin flames to keep incompatible people around?

There’s something very comforting about the idea that our lives are going to have a pre-destined plot that makes sense. It’s nice to know that, hey, you’ll find this person and meet them, and then it’s happily ever after.

Weird as it is, most people tend to prefer being told they’re "supposed to do something" and then make it work. It removes their fear of the uncertain and also gives them an idea of how things are "supposed" to go.


More importantly, the concept of a twin flame is one that often acts as an excuse to stay in a relationship that they’re afraid to leave. People who are terrified of being alone are way more likely to use this excuse than others.

To make matters worse, there’s also this weird belief that twin-flame relationships are supposed to be tumultuous.

The problem with this is obvious: needless suffering doesn’t teach you anything. It’s just a pain in the a**.

RELATED: Twin Flame Zodiac Signs, According To Astrology

Can we please cancel this twin flame nonsense?

#Sorrynotsorry, but I don’t believe one soul can go into two bodies.

Do you know why? Because consciousness doesn’t work that way, and generally speaking, people think of one’s consciousness as a major part of their soul. Moreover, if that could happen, why can’t we hear the other "flame’s" thoughts?


The concept of a twin flame is pretty beautiful, but in practice, it’s a belief that’s potentially very toxic.

You don’t need a "twin flame" that treats you like crap. And yet, I hear a lot of cheesy pickup artists saying things to girls they abuse like, "Oh, we’re twin flames."

People should always question why a spiritual belief would encourage them to stay with someone who hurts them.


They should always question why a guy is telling them they’re connected on a spiritual level, especially if it doesn’t feel right.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. A benevolent deity would not pair you with an a**hole and expect you to be good to him and stick by him for no reason other than, "because I told you so."

Spirituality is there to empower you, not disenfranchise you. If you are not feeling joy and strength from your beliefs, it’s time to rethink your beliefs. Full stop.

So, please. Let’s stop with the whole "staying with your twin flame" vibe. There are better, healthier ways to handle your spiritual love life, I promise.


RELATED: 15 Undeniable (But Often-Overlooked) Warning Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.