3 Tiny Tips For A More Connected Valentine's Day, According To An Attachment Specialist

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couple having dinner

With Valentine's Day creeping up on us, it's time to think beyond the flowers and chocolates and get real about what this day is all about.

It's about showing up for our partners and letting them know how much we care. It's about being there for them, through thick and thin. That's the true heart of Valentine's Day.

But how do we connect with our partners on this special day? Attachment therapist Eli Harwood has the top three tips for making your bond stronger this holiday season!

3 Tiny Tips For A More Connected Valentine's Day, According To An Attachment Specialist

1. Surprises are overrated.

Eagerly getting ready, you can't wait to see what your partner has in store this Valentine's Day. Will they take you out to a restaurant? Or will they plan a sweet indoor picnic? Regardless of the outcome, you're excited nonetheless.

So, imagine the disappointment when your partner's surprise doesn't go as planned. When their surprise doesn't match up to your expectations. What do you do?



To prevent this from happening we must set the expectations. Instead of a surprise, be direct in your approach.

If you're the one planning the surprise, ask your partner, “What can I do to make your Valentine’s Day a meaningful one,” says Harwood.

If you aren't planning the surprise, then sit down with your partner. Get out a notepad and write down what you like and don't like on Valentine's Day.

Though this may seem frustrating, having this information will ensure your Valentine's Day is filled with joy.

RELATED: Why We Celebrate Valentine's Day With Gifts, Chocolates, Roses & Cards

2. Value presence over presents.

It's human nature to crave connection. Former UCLA senior media relations representative Stuart Wolpert references insight from psychology professor Matthew Liberman.

He writes, "A growing body of research shows that the need to connect socially with others is as basic as our need for food, water, and shelter."

The best way to connect is through experience. The University of Texas at Austin discussed a study involving 2,635 participants. According to the study, participants were much happier when consuming experiential purchases over materialistic purchases.

However, this doesn't mean don't buy any flowers or chocolates. Buy those flowers, but put effort into the experience.

couple on Valentine's DayPhoto: 4 PM production / Shutterstock

Make sure you are present and focus your attention on your partner. Go roller skating or try painting together.

The purpose is to create a deep, loving connection with your partner.

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3. Make the gift about getting closer.

Getting closer in your relationship is the best gift to give your partner. Yes, plan the fun dates and buy the flowers. However, don't forget to cut out time to discuss your future.

Sitting down with your partner, talk about your future goals. What do you want to accomplish as a couple? When you have an idea create a vision board!

Then after you create your vision board, write down how you can get there.

If your goal is to visit Spain, how can you budget as a couple? Research how much it would cost and come up with a monthly financial plan.

By incorporating these three tips this Valentine's Day, you can foster a stronger and more secure connection with your partner.

RELATED: Men Go Crazy For These 10 Little Valentine's Day Gestures

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.