The Tiny Difference Between How Men & Women Respond To 3 Common Relationship Questions

How men and women view relationships is fascinating.

silhouette of man and woman holding hands at night Josh Hild / Pexels, sketchify via Canva

You must have some relationship questions that you're dying to ask a new guy you just met.

You can tell almost instantly that he thinks differently than you, and you just want to know more. How different are his relationship questions from yours?

Understanding men is an art, which few women take the time to learn. Meanwhile, understanding women… Well, for some men, that’s almost impossible, but it's well worth the effort.


But, at the end of the day, men and women continue to be mystified by each other, unnecessarily.

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Here are the tiny differences in how men and women respond to 3 common relationship questions:

1. "Will it last?"

This question is a perennial favorite for women and a sheer terror for men.

The difference is that women are painfully aware of the possibility of wasting their time. Men, on the other hand, often woefully overestimate their ability to make a relationship last.



Men tend to focus on the moment and, many times, they default to a "We’ll see how it goes" mentality.


Every relationship needs a plan and a purpose. With a goal in mind, it becomes possible to enjoy the moment together.

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2. "What’s next?"

In fairness to men — but perhaps not to women — not a day goes by that a female client doesn’t say to me, "That was great and I’m glad he did it, but what’s next?"

I'm consistently encouraging my female clients to "savor the moment" along the way. This is in direct contrast to my male clients — often, all they do is savor the moment.

Men tend to be more methodical and take a step-by-step approach going from A to B, meaning if A works out, I’ll go to B.


Women often go from A to Z, skipping crucial steps that men need to demonstrate along the way.

If a man hasn't demonstrated, he can keep simple agreements — like calling when he says he's going to. How will he be able to keep more complex agreements?

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3. "Is it serious?"

This question is perhaps the one with the sharpest contrast of all. For men, the first question is, "Is it fun to be with her?" And for a man, this is a serious question.

Without this first component, a man can't consider being serious about the relationship.



This may seem like a frivolous question, but is it? If you don’t enjoy being with someone, what's the point?


Men and women balance each other out in a relationship, in a way only they can, to help each other grow.

"Will it last?" is a fair relationship question to ask first, to make sure the man you're considering is qualified for your relationship goal.

"What’s next?" may take you out of the moment and rob you of the opportunity to get close to your man in the present.


Ironically, men are often more serious than they appear. Their step-by-step approach often gives you time to evaluate, consider, and reflect on what will be the biggest decision of your life.

Although men may often see relationship questions differently, it doesn’t mean that they don’t hear you and take them to heart.

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James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of A Life of Love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.