3 Things You Absolutely Need For A Secure, Healthy Relationship

No relationship is perfect, but there are ways to make sure yours is as satisfying as possible.

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We all want to have a healthy relationship with our partners, right? But sometimes, getting there can be hard, and knowing where to start can feel challenging.

Luckily, dating coach Sabrina Zohar is here to break down the three things you need to do to ensure you secure a healthy relationship.



3 Things You Absolutely Need For A Secure, Healthy Relationship

1. The ability to emotionally regulate yourself.

Let's face it, when you're in a romantic relationship you'll be triggered all the time, Zohar points out. Neither you nor your partner are the same people, and because of that, you'll find ways to annoy one another.


Learning how to manage yourself when these intense emotions go up in flames, is key to building a secure and happy relationship with your partner.

You can regulate your emotions by:

  • Understand what you're feeling.
  • Take a moment to collect yourself.
  • Use a creative outlet to express your feelings.
  • Move around.
  • Reframe your thoughts into neutral or positive ones.



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2. The ability to clearly communicate what's bothering you.

Can you communicate your emotions without blowing up or shutting down? If not, this is something that you need to work on.

"Open communication is the pillar and the cornerstone of being able to have a secure relationship," says Zohar.

Not being able to communicate your emotions clearly or respectfully will only throw your relationship into a toxic and insecure cycle.

If you struggle with communicating your emotions try and set aside time to communicate your feelings. "Then talk about what's happening and how it's been affecting you," says Better Health Channel.

Take responsibility for your feelings by using "I" statements and listen to your partner's feelings. Try and understand where they're coming from and be positive in your remarks.


Watch your tone when communicating and if necessary take a break. When the feelings get overwhelming stop your partner and express how you feel over-stimulated.

Ask for a twenty-minute break and use that time to reflect on your feelings and the best ways to approach the conversation when your break is over.



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3. Understanding that your partner isn't perfect.

What are your expectations for your partner? Do you understand that they're not perfect or do you unconsciously expect perfection?

"Part of being in a relationship is accepting somebody for who they are and not demanding that they change for you," says Zohar.

This doesn't mean don't encourage your partner to grow or evolve. Rather, it means accepting your differences and finding ways to work with one another.

"Moreover, your desire for perfection may stem from your own issues with perfection," says career prosecutor Wendy L. Patrick. She continues, "In some cases, this type of pressure is generated by self-imposed standards, not partner expectations."


Focus on your partner's strengths and learn to communicate respectfully.

Seek professional help if necessary and remember, the differences you see in your partner are what made you fall in love with them in the first place.



Understanding your relationship's flaws will only strengthen it in the long run. And by working through these issues together, you can thrive and grow as a couple.


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Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.