They’ve Had Opportunities To Cheat — But These 9 Men Share Why They Didn’t (And Never Will)
Cheating is a choice, somen men choose not to.
Damian Barczak | Unsplash We want to believe that the person we are with will never, ever cheat on us. But the truth is, sometimes they do. Sometimes guys cheat on us, and sometimes they cheat with us. But ultimately, a lot of men cheat, and it would be awesome to understand why and how he gets to that spot where he finds that option to be acceptable.
Turns out, though, there are many reasons why men cheat. "When the communication lines are closed or when a guy doesn't feel his needs, desires, or wants are not being heard, there is a tendency to look elsewhere," one man shared. "For me, the key to a passionate and long-lasting relationship is communication. Where each person can be heard and share feelings, concerns, and desires without judgment. A relationship that can be open to sharing new experiences. Keep things playful, instilling a sense of variety and not just doing it out of duty," another confided.
One study suggested that the key is to do many things together as a couple, while still allowing some space to see friends and avoid feeling suffocated. Just like a woman, a man wants to feel desired. So, why do men decide never to cheat? We asked a group of men to share their reasons. And they held nothing back.
They’ve had opportunities to cheat — but these 9 men share why they didn’t (and never will):
1. 'It's how you were raised'
"This is upbringing. I was the son of a minister who doubled as the town’s marriage counselor. I would sneak into the basement where my dad’s office was to hear how cheating was ruining families and lives. I swore at age 12 I would never do it, and I never have."
2. 'When she loves you for who you are, you don't need to stray'
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
"It is not just about being intimate. Yeah, good intimacy helps. But taking a guy for who and what he is is the bigger part of that. No guy wants to be with someone who sees him as a fixer-upper, someone who you are constantly being told to change. Find a girl who accepts you for you, and you will never have a cheater."
3. 'It's too expensive to cheat'
"Honestly? It's cheaper to keep her than to lose her and have to find another."
4. 'Overwhelming anxiety isn’t attractive'
"Every time my mind starts to fantasize about how exhilarating it would be to have some illicit encounter with a strange woman, it almost immediately gets smacked down by a metric ton of sweaty-palmed anxiety. And it’s not just fear of getting caught. Almost every aspect of the idea makes my stomach lurch — having to keep my lies straight, having to start a relationship with someone new, imagining the reaction of my family and friends (and wife) if it ever came out. There’s just no chance that the intimacy could ever be good enough to compensate for how unattractive and anxious every other aspect of the scenario would be for me."
5. 'I don't want to be immune to remorse'
"There's not a high quite like being with someone new for the first time. Maybe the giddy anticipation of the moment. The combination of pride that something is right enough with you that some stranger wants you, this-is-really-happening novelty, and animal lust creates a narcotic cocktail. However, there are three consequences: you're caught, you're wracked with guilt, and nothing. It would be the worst outcome of them all to discover that you're immune to remorse about being unfaithful. I wouldn't want to find that out about myself, and I sure as heck don't want to be caught."
6. 'I'd rather just pay attention and be considerate toward my partner'
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"It doesn't take that much to pay 5 minutes of attention to your partner. To randomly touch the small of their back or neck as you pass in the kitchen, to make a cocktail (or just open a bottle of wine) while your partner is cooking. Even if you're in the midst of doing your own thing, the person you're sharing your life with enters your thoughts a few times over the course of the day, it isn't really too much."
7. 'I don't want to be with anyone else'
"It sounds cheesy, but (even though it ended for other reasons) when I was with the ex for three years, I wasn't interested in anyone else."
8. 'I cherish what I have'
"The satisfaction of being intimate with someone other than your partner is fleeting. If you have kids, you need to think about what example you are setting for them. Value the life you have. Resolve the issues that make you want to cheat. Loving someone fully can make the intimacy so much more passionate and fulfilling as opposed to a slam-bam thank you, ma'am."
9. 'The fallout is just not worth it'
"Intimacy is great. Like, the best thing you can do. Particularly, the best thing you can do for free (generally). However, if you can set aside the emotional aspects, it's only really different incrementally with a different partner. She may be looser, more game for experimentation, less skilled, prettier, and smell newer than your one and only, but mechanically it's pretty much the same. I can't see anything that remotely approaches making the downside worthwhile. I know, I'm a romantic."
Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyle writer who focuses on health, wellness, and relationships. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly.
