11 Subtle Signs That One Ex From Your Past Will Never Get Over You
You might have moved on, but they still think about you. Constantly.
Roman50 | Shutterstock There are far too many subtle signs that an ex from your past will never get over you. From how they blow up your phone at three in the morning, to how they 'happen' to just be walking by at your favorite place to study, these exes will stop at nothing to remind you that they still exist — even if you're completely over them.
Is it annoying and frustrating? Absolutely! However, most of these exes can't help themselves. For better or worse, getting over your ex is difficult for certain people. According to marriage and relationship therapist Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT, "If we have low self-esteem, breakups affect us more than people who are more secure and confident. This is because breakups can trigger hidden grief and cause irrational guilt, anger, shame, and fear." That being said, what are the clear-cut ways your ex is still secretly in love with you?
11 subtle signs that one ex from your past will never get over you:
1. They keep making shady posts about you online
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The first subtle sign that one ex from your past will never get over you is if they make shady posts about you online. Those who can't help but make jabs at their ex for something they did years ago are a bit unevolved. Filled with regret, bitterness, and anger, these exes make it their life's mission to get 'even' with you.
Regardless of whether the breakup is your fault, these exes aren't too keen to do the inner work to heal and move forward. Instead, exes who will never get over you spend too many hours thinking about what they can do to ensure you don't forget about them.
This is why they make shady posts like 'girls who get engaged be like,' with a picture of Gollum from Lord of the Rings holding a ring. While your ex might try to make it seem like they're past things, their shady posts online speak otherwise, stunting their growth in the process.
Psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., added, "We, humans, are always growing. We like to learn. At the same time, we are drawn to comfort and safety. We grow when we feel secure." If your ex isn't all that secure, expect them to keep making those one-in-the-morning shady posts.
2. They randomly text you 'hi'
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You're in bed scrolling through social media at one in the morning. Life is great, and you have never felt so content and relaxed. However, just as you're about to turn in for the night, an annoying buzz sounds on your phone, and your ex's infamous, 'Hi,' texts appear.
During moments like these, this unexpected message makes it easy to feel confused and vulnerable. While you might be tempted to text back, there's a voice in your head screaming at you to run the other way, so listen to the voice because it'll never lead you astray.
It might seem out of the blue, but a subtle sign that one ex from your past will never get over you is if they randomly text you 'hi.' Call it a moment of weakness or a strategic way of ensuring you're vulnerable; either way, messing with the past is bound to hurt you, so it's important to let go.
Psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, M.D., explained, "When you limit your belief about your capabilities, you deprive yourself of so many opportunities." With this in mind, it's better to hit the block button and call it a day. After all, exes are exes for a reason.
3. All their partners look like you
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You're scrolling on social media when you stumble across your ex's new partner. Now, in the moment, you might not think much about the fact that they have your eye color and hair color. However, a subtle sign that one ex from your past will never get over you is if all their partners look like you.
It's uncomfortable to see your ex date your doppelgangers. From your height to your body shape, all the way to your smile, the similarity between the two is uncanny, to say the least. Yet, it's important not to overreact or put much thought into it.
As much as you'd like to scream into a pillow or feel creeped out, exes who date a line of similar people have not processed the breakup and, as a result, haven't gotten over you. However, this isn't abnormal, as licensed psychotherapist Allison Abrams, LCSW-R, described, "One reason we hold on to long-expired relationships is that when it comes to matters of the heart, our selective memory tends to kick in. We remember what brought us pleasure while avoiding the more painful memories. Over time, we may idealize the past, creating a distorted version of reality."
So, don't feel too bad. Even if it hurts, always remember that you have more power over them than you think. In the end, who truly wins?
4. They follow your partner on social media
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Finding out your ex has been following your current partner on social media is creepy. Sure, they could simply be being kind or curious. But if they're stalking your new boo on social media, it's a subtle sign your ex will never get over you.
Sorry to say this, but in no world is it 'normal' for an ex to follow your partner. Unless you're still the best of friends, it's downright creepy and unsettling to see their name pop up out of the blue. But arguably, social media has completely ruined our ability to create boundaries, causing people to stalk others without any added guilt in the mix.
This isn't great, as a study published in 2021 found that those who social media stalked tended to have their sleep more impacted. So, for everyone's peace of mind and sanity, it's better to separate the past from the present and cut that person off. Otherwise, it might just drive both of you insane.
5. They watch every story you post — right after you post it
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Another subtle sign that an ex from your past will never get over you is if they watch your every story. You can post right now, and minutes later, your ex will somehow magically view your story, almost as if they have their notifications on just for you.
It's creepy and unsettling, but exes who haven't gotten over you can't help but want to keep tabs on you. Like a moth to a flame, your ex is addicted to your every move, causing them to keep tabs on you like a hawk.
Now, is this exactly healthy for them in the long run? Not really — it's probably making them more frustrated with their current situation than they already are. According to a study published in 2017, young adults who spend a lot of time on social media are more likely to experience a lower sense of well-being and life satisfaction. Even so, exes can't help themselves. While it might not be the best thing out there, they're desperately looking for ways to connect with you, even if it's only through a screen.
6. They copy things you and your partner do
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You and your partner decided to go out to a new restaurant that just opened up. Filled with glee, you spend hours getting ready, chatting, and taking plenty of selfies that'll last a lifetime. However, as the night unwinds and the days pass, you can't help but notice your ex doing the same thing you're doing.
It's weird, but the more you post about what you and your partner are doing, the more they seem to copy your every move. This is another subtle sign that your ex is still not over you.
Sorry to say, but in no world is it normal for someone to copy you unless you're some famous trendsetter. This behavior not only seems stalker-like, but it also gives off somewhat delusional vibes. And as most people know, it's much better to stay authentic to oneself than to copy someone's every move. According to a study published in 2020, being authentic leads to greater life satisfaction. So, even if it's creepy, don't feel too bad. Your ex is simply struggling to get over you.
7. They never delete photos of the two of you
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Once all is said and done, it's much better to delete the millions of photos you have stored of your ex from your phone. After all, you don't want to be reminded of the 'good old times' and trick yourself into falling for delusion once again. However, deleting those hundreds of photos isn't easy for some people.
A subtle sign that one ex from your past will never get over you is if they never delete the photos of you two together. Listen, at some point, there's a need to update your social media. If you haven't been with someone for years, you might think deleting those old photos would be a given. However, if your ex has not moved on, removing those photos feels akin to erasing history.
Additionally, if your ex was a narcissist, they probably see these photos as trophies. According to licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., "Narcissists tend to hold onto objects that remind them of their exes as 'trophies' — a way to brag about the relationship to others."
Still, just because they're struggling doesn't mean you should. If it truly bothers you, don't be afraid to reach out and say, "Hey, do you mind deleting those old photos of us? Since we broke up, it's a bit uncomfortable to have them on there as it can give people the wrong idea." While it might be awkward, being honest is always the best route.
8. They badmouth your partner to mutual friends
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You already know how things get around if you live in a small town or have a big group of friends. It starts with a whisper, which transitions slowly into everybody knowing your business. And while this might be annoying, it helps determine if that one ex from your past will never get over you.
In no world is it normal for someone who has truly moved on from your past relationship to speak so poorly of your current partner. If your ex doesn't know your partner personally, there shouldn't be much to say. However, if your ex struggles to get over you, best believe your partner will face their anger.
As life coach Patrick Wanis explained, "The initial response of making a catty remark comes from being jealous, and all insecurity comes from jealousy." So, don't pay your ex too much mind. Ultimately, your happiness should always come first, regardless of what others say.
9. They jump from relationship to relationship
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Everyone knows that one person who's always hopping from one person to the next. Like a game of musical chairs, you better believe they won't stay in the same spot for long! However, your ex can't help themselves — a subtle sign that they won't get over you is if they jump from relationship to relationship.
When someone hops from relationship to relationship, this often means they're running away from something. For some, this might be a way to avoid their trauma. For others, it's a way to avoid facing reality and the full extent of their heartbreak. In the case of your ex, the ladder is almost always true.
Most exes don't want to acknowledge the pain, regret, and guilt they feel for their actions. Instead of facing the issue and acknowledging their poor behavior, your ex will often immerse themselves in new relationships, pursuing a feeling that isn’t there anymore.
10. They refuse to return your stuff
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When someone goes through a breakup, it can lead to some pretty awkward moments down the road. For example, they might change their Facebook status from being in a relationship to being single. You could also send each other your things in the mail, so you won’t have to meet up longer than needed.
However, a subtle sign that one ex from your past will never get over you is if they refuse to return your things. It can be downright disrespectful to keep your favorite shirt or your favorite gaming system hostage because they can't get over you.
But, all too often, you hear horror stories of exes keeping their ex-boyfriend's or girlfriend's things for years on end, with no plans on giving them up anytime soon. So, if you're in this predicament and truly want your things back, don't be afraid to go back and get them. These things are too expensive and memorable to keep in the hands of an old fling.
11. They post passive-aggressive reactions to your big life moments
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Finally, the last subtle sign that one ex from your past will never get over you is if they post passive-aggressive stuff on their story whenever something big happens in your life. Whether you just got married or graduated, one thing is certain: this person is absolutely crashing out.
The worst feeling in the world is watching someone you both love and hate thrive without you. This is why people who post passive-aggressive things during your big moments do so in the first place. Whether they realize it or not, they're trying to ruin your big day by getting a rise out of you.
However, it's important to stay grounded during these moments. As much as you'd like to go off on them, acting nonchalant and unbothered is the best way to get your revenge. But if all else fails? Don't be afraid to block them. Remember: your peace of mind is worth it.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
