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Is your instinct telling you something's not right?
By Amy North — Written on Sep 17, 2022
If you've just started dating someone new but your instincts is telling you that something's not quite right, then it's important to pay attention to those feelings.
You may actually notice some huge red flags in your partner that, at their most innocent, suggest he may not know how to be a good boyfriend and at their worst, could point to emotional abuse or a toxic relationship down the line.
New relationships can be tricky, and while we all have our own quirks and oddities, there are some red flags to look out for that aren't just quirks: they could be signs of a toxic relationship.
If your new boyfriend is showing any of the following signs, then it may be an indication that your relationship isn’t going to work out. Instead of idly hoping for the best, if you’re noticing any of these warnings then you may want to jump ship.
Here are 7 huge red flags that he's nowhere near ready to be in a relationship:
1. He’s never been in a serious relationship
While it’s true that some guys prefer casual flings or one-night stands, if your man has never been in a relationship before then there could be a reason for it.
Yes, it may feel great to be “his first” but don’t flatter yourself too much.
If you’re his first real girlfriend then chances are he’s going to have some issues knowing what is and isn’t acceptable in a relationship. To make matters worse, he may not be prepared to fully commit to you.
2. His friends aren't cool
And by cool, I don’t mean in the popular sense. Your boyfriend’s friends can tell you a lot about him… and I don’t just mean by their stories either.
The kind of people your guy chooses to associate with can give you a glimpse of how he sees himself.
For instance, if he hangs around with a bunch of misogynists then he may think he’s better than you. If he spends his time with intellects then you can bet that he’s got some smarts to share.
While you shouldn’t judge your guy solely on what his buddies are like, it is important to note if his friends are total jerks.
On the other hand, if your man has no close friends then it could be a red flag that he’s not a very social or agreeable person. Maybe his pals ditched him for being a jerk, or perhaps he lacks social skills. Either way, be wary.
3. He’s a bar star
If your new guy is the comedic, jestering, prankster of the party (think Steve-o or Charlie Sheen #winning) then you may not be ready for what’s going to come next.
Sure, he may always be up for a laugh, have at least 1000 Facebook friends, and have done more beer funnels in the last six months than you have in your entire life, but if all your guy wants to do is party, then you may have a problem on your hands.
While it can be a blast to go out and live it up, this kind of lifestyle isn’t fit for a committed relationship. Not only will you have to worry about what your boyfriend does in his drunken state, but to make matters worse, these kinds of guys love attention and are usually surrounded by dozens of women.
If you’re the jealous type then a relationship with this kind of man will only torment you.
4. He disrespects others
You go out for dinner and he’s rude to the waitstaff. Someone cuts him off driving and you hear the nastiest comments imaginable come out of his mouth.
If the guy you’re seeing lacks respect for those around him then you can bet that you’ll be on the receiving end of that someday, too.
Dating someone who lacks respect and common courtesy is never a good idea. Chances are he’s self-righteous and let’s not even talk about how embarrassing that’s going to be for you when you’re in public together.
If you can spot this red flag early in the relationship then take advantage and dump the drag sooner rather than later.
5. He’s irresponsible
When you first met him he was in-between jobs, but now that you’re together you’re finding out he’s been unemployed for months and has never held a job for more than a couple of weeks. If the guy you’re dating lacks responsibility then you may find yourself in the mothering role.
Dating someone who lacks motivation and responsibility can be frustrating, and chances are his nonchalant attitude will affect your relationship. While it’s one thing to be laid back, it’s another to be lazy.
If you can’t count on your man to be there when you need him then you may be setting yourself up for a very disappointing relationship.
6. He's always broke
Now, just because you’d rather date someone with financial stability doesn’t make you a gold digger, it makes you a smart, mature woman. Dating a man-boy who has a habit of spending every dime he gets his hands on isn’t a good idea.
Not only will you find yourself frustrated with his spending habits, but this will also affect your dating life. Unless you want to be the one paying for all of your nights out, then dating his kind of guy isn’t a good idea.
That’s not to say you can’t revisit this relationship once he gets his finances in order, but for now, you don’t want to be guilted into helping pay his bills because he spent all his on pizza, beer, and cigarettes. Get out and give him time to grow up on his own.
7. He bad-mouths everyone
Whether he’s putting his friends down or making fun of a stranger on the street, if your new man has a habit of insulting everyone he crosses paths with, then it’s time to throw in the towel.
Oh, and you can bet he’ll have something to say about you for this, too. Don’t take it personally, it’s just how he is.
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Amy North is a relationship and dating coach.