Love

How To Stop Dreaming Of Your True Love And Actually Find Them

Photo: karelnoppe / Shutterstock.com
Happy couple with man kissing woman on cheek

Do you sit there dreaming of your true love showing up in your life? What do you imagine meeting this person to be like?

Perhaps you see yourself sitting at a local coffee shop. Then you notice someone attractive and seemingly single staring back at you. He sends a latte over to you and smiles. Then, he comes over to introduce himself.

Does this happen in real life? It could, but don’t count on it.

Life isn’t an episode of “Friends," complete with the witty conversation among beautiful people at the local java joint. Building relationships that last takes work, and it certainly takes more time than a half-hour sitcom allows!

So how do you stop dreaming of your true love and actually find this person?

It’s by taking appropriate action. 

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What is 'appropriate' action in the quest for true love?

Appropriate action requires a plan. And all plans start with a vision or dream. You need clarity, you need to know where and how to connect, and you need to intentionally create the relationship you envision.

Be clear about what you want

Ask yourself: Who would be a good partner for you given your life goals?

For a relationship to have what it takes to last, your partner needs to want the same things out of life as you do. So, you need to be clear about what you want.

Take some time to envision your ideal partner.

What are the key characteristics that this person must exhibit? What are their values and must-haves? How do they jive with yours?

When people start “seeing” that person, it’s uncanny how quickly they start meeting people who are similar to the kind of person they want to meet!

When you take the time to gain the necessary clarity, you’ll feel as if you’ve readjusted your dating radar.

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Know where to connect with the right person

Most of my clients come to me and say they’re not doing much to meet their life partners.

There are so many reasons people put their search for true love on the back burner. They may be shy or just overwhelmed with other things in their life. Or the task seems daunting.

In this second step, I work with my clients to figure out what’s going to work based on their personality, values, interests, and passions.

We explore the top way to meet people today — and where to meet them. This also happens to be the way that works for my clients time and time again — online dating. Over 80% of my successfully coupled clients have met their life partners online.

Will you try online dating? If you have and it hasn’t worked, are you willing to try again with my proven methodology?

It begins with a focus on developing a link between relationship-building methods and your personality — as well as your current life situation. The goal is to expand your network to enable you to meet more of the type of person you wish to attract.

Given time and guidance, you can shift your focus to an approach that incorporates activities that will help you to finally stop dreaming of your true love and help you find and connect with your special person.

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Create the relationship you want

It’s in this step that dreaming of your true love is just what you need. Now, it's time to make that dream a reality.

Aligning your partner’s life vision with yours into a singular path of shared goals is what helps a couple to go the distance together. It’s the co-creation of the combination of both your and your partner’s dreams and hopes.

Open communication with each other and a willingness to bend toward one another will solidify the relationship.

Compromise can be key

Here’s an example. My client, Karen, had a high need for personal time to enjoy her hobbies, get her daily chores accomplished, and have some solitude. Her partner wanted more time together when he was at her place.

They worked toward a compromise that gave her partner the time and affection he sought and allowed her the alone time she needed to recharge her batteries and get stuff done.

Dreaming of your true love is an important step toward motivating you to take action to find this person. However, consistent effort is required when you decide to actively seek a life partner.

Dating successfully and meeting your true love will be realized by building a personalized dating plan — and then taking action.

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Amy Schoen is a Washington, D.C.-based national expert in dating and relationship life coaching. 

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