9 Rare Ways Someone Who Really Gets You Lets You Know It's OK To Be Yourself With Them
Elizabeth Ferreira | Pexels Our social connections are the beating heart of a happy life. You won't be close with everybody, but there are special, rare ways a person in our lives really gets us.
They let us know it's okay to be our true selves around them. Whether it's validating our feelings or remembering small things we enjoy, they show up consistently and remind us of our value when nobody else can.
When someone really gets you, they let you know it's okay to be yourself in these rare ways
1. They give you their full attention
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When you can tell someone is fully listening and cares about what you're saying, that's a safe space. The kind of people who really know and love you will always make an effort to create this environment for you, whether you're talking about your day or your deep emotions.
It's obvious they're giving you their attention. Their phone is put away instead of distracting their attention in their hands. They ask thoughtful questions that make you feel seen. They're actively in the conversation with you, in the way that sparks the reward center in your brain and makes you feel special.
2. They don't give advice you don't ask for
The closer you are with someone, the more comfortable they are offering unsolicited advice. While it's easy to sometimes overlook it being unwarranted, despite being comforting and reassuring, when someone's trying to fix your emotions when you just wanted to vent, it feels invalidating.
That's why people who fully trust and understand you ask before offering advice, even if it's a question like "Do you want my advice or do you want a listening ear?" No matter what you're saying or expressing, they honor your feelings and support you. If they disagree, they keep it to themselves, because making you feel safe to express yourself is their priority.
3. They respect your boundaries
While it might sound vague, you always notice when someone's going out of their way to respect your boundaries. Physically, they are intentional with their touch and energy. Emotionally, they meet you where you are, instead of supporting you in the way they'd want in return.
You never have to worry that they're going to make you feel uncomfortable or force you to set a boundary again, because if you've done it once, they remember. They know what's important to you, and every time they respect a boundary, they remind you that you're safe with them.
4. They try what you enjoy
We overestimate the power of a friend who's willing to get out of their comfort zone to help us feel supported and seen. They'll try your hobby if it's important to you. They'll go to your restaurants and coffee shops, even if they wouldn't go on their own. They make it clear that what's important to you is important to them, even if it's a bit uncomfortable.
That's the price of a good friendship or relationship: inconvenience. You don't have to hide your niche interests or passions out of fear that they'll judge you, because they're the first ones to champion what lights you up.
5. They own up to mistakes
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Even in the relationships we care about the most, it's impossible to be perfect. But the difference between someone who truly understands and loves you, and someone who cares more about their own comfort, is that they'll apologize when they make a mistake.
It's this kind of healthy conflict resolution that protects everyone's health and well-being. There's no resentment. There's no shrinking yourself to make someone else more comfortable. You know that you can be your true self, even when that means bringing up issues without being judged or criticized.
6. They remember small things
Even if grandiose gestures and serious conversations feel like the most important, defining moments of our relationships, the truth is that the small things actually matter the most. It's someone remembering how you like your coffee or knowing what you need when you're feeling off.
People who remember and act on these small things are the people who understand and love us the most. They remind us that it's okay to be our authentic selves, even when it's not pretty, because they're always going to show up.
7. They validate how you're feeling
The friends with the best advice and life experience are great people to have in your circle. But our closest friends and most trusted loved ones are usually the ones who validate our emotions, instead of having a way to fix them away. They hold space for us to be ourselves, through the ugly and beautiful moments of life.
They remind us that they value our emotions as they are, and sometimes, in the hardest moments, this kind of validation actually helps us process what we're feeling. With the kinds of emotions most people would prefer to run from, we feel safe to express them with these people.
8. They help you laugh in hard moments
When it's with people we trust, laughter can be true medicine. Having friends who make light of hard situations and help us laugh at our own mistakes remind us that it's okay to be human. It's okay to find joy in hard moments. It's okay to be ourselves, even after a mistake or true failure.
When we're telling a very serious story or trying to process a major life change, being with someone who can bring joy helps us feel safe. It's powerful.
9. They remind you of your strength
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When someone really understands and knows us, they can bring important perspectives to hard situations that not even we could have pulled out. They help us reflect. They remind us of our strength. They bring up evidence of our character when it feels like we don't know ourselves anymore.
Even in our darkest moments, we feel safe to be exactly who we are in that moment around these people. They lift us up and make us feel special, and when we forget how to offer that grace to ourselves, they're necessary.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
