5 Signs A Spouse Is Quietly Unsatisfied About The State Of Their Marriage, According To Psychology
Signs someone has mentally checked out of their relationship.
Inside Creative House | Shutterstock Knowing the right relationship advice to maintain the love between you and your partner is crucial for a healthy relationship that lasts. Couples in unhealthy relationships don't always realize how unhappy they really are until it's too late.
Every do in a relationship has a don’t to go with it. Knowing the difference between a do and a don't is vital to a healthy relationship full of love, romance, respect, and all of the good stuff that keeps couples long-term satisfied.
Here are 5 signs a spouse is quietly unsatisfied with the state of their marriage, according to psychology:
1. They stop expressing their feelings
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Expressing your feelings in a relationship is very important. Many people say, "I don’t have to tell them I love him. They know." Yes, they might know. But it doesn’t mean you can’t tell them.
If you are angry, sad, or lonely because of something your partner did, tell them about it. They need to understand how you feel so they can learn what you need from them, and you need to express your feelings so they don’t become trapped in your body. Feelings trapped in your body become toxic.
You must express your feelings, but it is critical not to be passive-aggressive in how you express yourself. Passive-aggressiveness is a tendency to engage in any indirect expression of hostility through subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks.
If your partner did something to upset you, it’s not okay to give him the silent treatment, sulk, do to them what they did to you, or act in any way that isn’t direct about how you are thinking.
If your spouse always gets home late from work, tell them how upset you are. Please don’t ignore your spouse when they get home before telling them you don’t want them home anyway, and they might as well stay at work forever. This will only make matters worse and will never get them to come home at night for dinner.
2. They stop doing things for you
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People are human. And sometimes, they make mistakes. When they do, it’s okay. They are human. If your spouse promised you they would put up the curtain rods on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and by the end of the day, it didn’t happen, you can be upset.
But you must talk to them about it and understand why it didn’t happen. Perhaps they chose to watch football with your son instead, or maybe they honestly forgot.
Either way, they are only human. Express your disappointment that the job wasn’t done, but forgive them and try again on Sunday.
If your spouse promised to put up the curtain rods and didn’t, don’t take it personally. Don’t think, "If they loved me, they would have put up the curtain rods.
That isn’t true. They didn’t put up the curtain rods for numerous reasons, but none were because they didn’t love you.
Research shows that a consistent lack of understanding from a spouse is not only a communication breakdown, but a reflection of a deeper level of marital dissatisfaction and emotional disconnection, undermining the foundation of the relationship.
The ability to understand and respond to a partner's needs, thoughts, and feelings is a vital inner resource that allows couples to feel connected and navigate conflicts effectively.
3. They stop being honest with you
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An essential part of being in a healthy relationship is honesty. A healthy relationship cannot exist if partners aren’t honest.
If something has happened or you are feeling some way, you must let your partner know so you can process it together. Sharing everything is a big part of maintaining a healthy, intimate relationship.
Keeping secrets will kill a relationship, period. Even those little pesky secrets you keep to protect those you love are insidious and destructive.
These secrets will only cause trouble. Don’t keep secrets. They always get out, and when they do, the harm they cause is often worse than the secret itself.
While lying, especially about significant issues, is often a symptom of deeper relationship problems, it's not necessarily a direct indicator of marital dissatisfaction. Research suggests that addressing dishonesty with open and honest communication is crucial for rebuilding trust and addressing underlying issues.
4. They stop appreciating you
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You have a partner whom you have chosen for a variety of reasons. They are handsome, smart, kind, practical, or handy. For whatever reason, you chose them to be yours.
Now that they are yours, you must appreciate everything you have. If your person fixes your cabinets without being asked, helps your neighbor solve a tax problem, or looks just so in their new sweater, tell them! You know how good it feels when they tell you.
Unfortunately, once we settle down into a long-term relationship, we take each other for granted. The things we fell in love with become things we assume will always be there, no matter what we do.
When I was married, I assumed my husband would always be there, no matter how I treated him, which wasn’t always very well. And guess what? He left me. So don’t take your person for granted. If you love them, make them feel that way every day.
Research indicates that a lack of appreciation between spouses is a significant predictor of potential unhappiness. When partners fail to acknowledge and value each other's contributions, it can lead to feelings of being unloved, unimportant, and disconnected. Recognizing these signs early and actively working to address them can help improve a struggling marriage.
5. They stop laughing with you
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Laughing is an essential part of every healthy relationship. Remember when you first fell in love, the hours you spent together, sharing and laughing. Didn’t it feel good?
It is so vital that the laughter continues. Make sure you spend time together doing what you love, enjoying each other’s company, and laughing.
When a couple has been together for a long time, they aren’t always kind to each other. The things that bug us about our partners are often revealed in unkind ways.
Do you laugh at your partner because they let people take advantage of them? Or, sarcastically commenting on how well their shirt and tie match? Do you talk to your friends about the stupid things they do?
If you do any of these things, stop. If you have issues with your spouse or they do something to bother you, tell them, don’t laugh at them. Because that kind of laughter isn’t funny. A healthy relationship is amazing, but it is also hard work. It is crucial to follow these healthy relationship dos and don’ts to keep going strong.
You must be honest with your partner in a kind way so you don’t take things personally and not keep secrets. It is also vital to have an intimate life that pleases you both, you love and appreciate each and laughter is a priority.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
